I'm leaving the BBC after MS pain made it hard to carry on

I have lived and worked with multiple sclerosis for 26 years, almost as long as I have been a BBC Scotland journalist, but recently I have been absent from the airwaves.

I've been struggling with a condition called trigeminal neuralgia that causes excruciating pain like an electric shock across the side of my face, which can stop me from speaking, eating or drinking.

It's not part of everyone's life with MS but it has recently become part of mine - and being unable to speak is not great for a broadcaster.

Thanks to my neurologist and the NHS team looking after me, I've managed to regain my speech and reduce the amount of discomfort I'm in - but the pain can, and does, reappear.

So, unfortunately, I've had to make the very difficult decision to leave the BBC on health grounds.

Before I started here in November 1999, I had previously worked for the Scotsman, Scotland on Sunday and the Scottish Daily Mail.

I was just 28 when I became the BBC's first female political correspondent in the new Scottish Parliament. Three months later I was diagnosed with MS.

I had been having a strange feeling of pins and needles in my face and was convinced it was a problem with my wisdom teeth. It wasn't.

A swift MRI scan confirmed it was multiple sclerosis.

I was shocked. I had vaguely heard about MS but I really knew nothing about the degenerative disease.

I wasn't offered any kind of treatment. All I was advised to do was to keep healthy and avoid stress.

That was easier said than done for a journalist who often worked in live television and radio news.

But, at first, I had no symptoms and I could continue in my job without anyone knowing for several years.

By 2007, I couldn't keep covering up my stumbling with excuses and so felt I had to reveal my diagnosis.

By that stage I had moved away from political reporting and had met and married the MSP John Swinney, who would later become a Scottish government minister and is now the first minister of Scotland.

The year after I revealed my MS diagnosis I turned it into journalism, making television and radio documentaries about the condition.

I told how Scotland was believed to have the highest rates of multiple sclerosis in the world and concluded by saying that finding a cure - or even some answers as to why it's so common here - would definitely be a very good ending to my story.

Almost two decades later that has not yet happened.

In 2010, our son Matthew was born and I discovered even more about MS.

During pregnancy, my symptoms largely disappeared, my walking improved as did my dexterity in typing and writing.

I learned that this can happen to some women with MS.

But when I looked into it more, I discovered it also happens to some woman who have other autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis and thyroid problems.

The relief from my symptoms continued for another nine months after Matthew was born but then returned.

When I investigated this strange phenomenon - and made a radio documentary on the subject - I discovered that hormones have a major part to play and that more research definitely needs to be done.

My marriage to John Swinney meant I stepped away from political reporting but I have covered many other stories including a groundbreaking film about a woman whose sense of smell could help diagnose Parkinson's.

All this while living with MS.

Many changes have happened since I was diagnosed in 2000.

There were very few disease-modifying therapies back then - now there are about 20.

Unfortunately, there is still no cure.

I was initially diagnosed with relapsing remitting MS. Now, I have secondary progressive.

The tingling in my face has largely disappeared, but my walking has become increasingly difficult over the years.

I need crutches or a rollator - what I call my wheels - and sometimes I need a wheelchair.

Far from trying to disguise my disability and cover it up, I chose to quite openly stand using a crutch on the steps of Bute House when my husband became first minister.

I've always maintained that you can live life well with MS - it might just have to be a bit differently. And my career proves that.

Recording interviews and editing at home, for example, have been some of the ways to make this work but adapting and reinventing have always been part of my journalistic career.

I've worked with many fabulous, talented and caring individuals over my time at the BBC.

I am very grateful to everyone who has helped me continue in the job I have loved for so many years.

But now the time has come to close this chapter and start a new one.