'I had horrible thoughts after my baby was born': Dad's experience of postnatal depression

Warning: This story contains references to mental health struggles and negative thoughts that some readers may find distressing

Steve Sharman was thrilled to become a father.

But in the days after his daughter was born, he was struck by "awful and really, really horrible thoughts" about harming her.

Nightmarish intrusive thoughts whirled around in his head about little Florence, which left him deeply disturbed.

He and his wife, Emily, recognised the symptoms after reading about it during the pregnancy - postnatal depression (PND) - but admitted they never expected he would be the one to struggle with his mental health.

"[I] never thought anything would ever happen to me. I've always been a very calm person, no anger," he said.

"But the first two to three weeks were awful - really, really horrible thoughts towards my baby daughter, who'd only been in the world a few weeks.

"It was the crying that really triggered something inside me that I've never experienced before.

"A real anger and hatred towards her is something that you wouldn't expect to have - it was just wanting to solve that crying."

The couple, from Talke Pits in Staffordshire, had been through a traumatic birth with Florence in August 2023, including an 18-hour labour, an emergency caesarean and five days in hospital due to concerns over their new daughter's heart.

Steve, 35, admitted he started to experience the intrusive thoughts and never knew that postnatal depression could bring on feelings of "wanting to harm her or wanting to throw her".

"I never acted on those feelings. The worst I ever did was shout in her face," he said.

The NHS says PND affects more than one in 10 women and "can also affect fathers and partners", labelling the idea it only affects women as "a myth".

Steve's wife Emily, 34, supported him and encouraged him to seek help and go to the GP.

"I pulled up on the NHS website - postnatal depression and we went through and I said 'yes, yes, yes' to all of these things for him," she said.

"I said at that point 'you've got to go and speak to someone'."

The couple believe the turning point came when Steve also reached out to the PANDAS Foundation, a charity based near Oswestry, Shropshire, which supports families with perinatal mental health.

Annie Belasco, chief executive of the foundation, said PND was more common among men than people might think.

"It's just that there is a lack of education and awareness particularly around the men's piece," she added.

A few months following Florence's birth, Steve was able to do an online chat with other dads going through a similar situation.

"I remember it was an hour and a half, the call, and I burst into tears," the 35-year-old admitted.

"That was my first time I realised what I'd been going through was absolutely normal and yes it was amazing to be fair."

Florence recently celebrated her third birthday and her father said he was keen to raise awareness about PND and became a volunteer for PANDAS.

He wanted to encourage new dads to reach out and seek support if they were struggling with their mental health following the birth of their child and they shouldn't be ashamed of it.

Another father who can sympathise with Steve is Dan Rowe, who runs the Whitchurch branch of Andy's Man Club in Shropshire, a men's suicide prevention charity.

His son, now 10, became ill after he was born, and Rowe suffered from postnatal depression himself afterwards - something he said he did not realise could happen.

"Going into being a dad I was very excited... at no point did I ever consider he would be ill when he was born," he said.

"That hit me like a ton of bricks... I didn't know where to turn, I didn't even understand why I was feeling what I was feeling."

He said it felt "all-encompassing" and led to him attempting suicide a number of times in the first two years of his son's life.

"I was later diagnosed with postnatal depression as a dad - which I didn't think was a thing," Rowe said.

Walking through the door of Andy's Man Club helped him speak up, he said, as well as attending counselling.

• If you, or someone you know, has been affected by mental health, then support and information is available at BBC Action Line.

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