The films cover:
- the feelings a child can experience as parents separate
- dealing with change and how everyday life can be different after parents separate
- some ideas for dealing with difficult situations and some things that can help a child cope with a change like this
The first film looks at Seren’s experience of dealing with her parents separating and the changes resulting from that. The second film discusses some suggestions for coping with a situation like this.
Themes: parental separation; mental health; coping with change; resilience; managing feelings.
Seren's story: Film 1
I was only eight when Mum and Dad split up.
I remember feeling a bit sad at the time, but I was busy with dance club and my friends and Cian and I always had fun when we went to stay at Dad’s new flat in town.
Dad always bought us loads of cool new stuff too. Everything’s been different since Dad met Kate though.
Things were okay at the beginning because we still got to see Dad a lot, but then, for some reason, he and Kate decided to move to Wrexham. That’s an hour’s drive from here.
Now, he just wants to be with Kate all the time and things are even worse since the new baby arrived.
I just don’t understand. Dad’s already got two kids. If he didn’t want to stay with us, then why did he want a new baby?
Sometimes I worry it’s my fault they separated in the first place.
I’ve tried to talk to Mum about it, but she doesn’t want to talk about Dad at all. She doesn’t even say his name these days.
We do go and stay with them in Wrexham a bit, but it’s really hard.
It’s hard seeing Dad so happy with his new family. I’m not sure where Cian and I fit in, to be honest.
It’s really hard living some of the time at Mum’s house and some of the time at Dad’s house too.
One time, I forgot my science books at Dad’s, and then I got into trouble at school for not doing my homework.
It’s a pain having to try and remember which clothes I should leave at Dad’s, and which I should leave at Mum’s too.
Mum doesn’t want me to take the clothes she buys for me to Dad’s. She gets cross when I do that.
I started secondary school around the same time as Dad moved to Wrexham. It’s really different from primary school.
I don’t see my old friends as much these days and I don’t go to dance club or anything like that anymore. But my new friends are cool.
I spoke to Meg, one of my new friends, about the whole Mum and Dad thing. Her parents have split up too.
Meg thought I should try and talk to Dad about it. She said that Mum and Dad definitely still love Cian and me; it’s just that they don’t love each other anymore. Maybe she’s right.
We’re going to Wrexham this weekend so I’m going to try and talk to Dad about it. I’m tired of worrying about it all the time.
Seren's story: Film 2
If your parents split up, it’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused or maybe even relieved. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay to feel that way.
Maybe your parents separated a while ago, but it’s only now that you’re finding it hard to deal with. That’s okay too.
There isn’t one correct way to feel when parents split up.
A lot of people feel guilty when their parents separate, but you’re not to blame. Relationships break up for many reasons.
Your parents are adults and this is their decision. You’re not responsible for what’s happening. And although it might feel like you’re going through this by yourself, you’re not on your own.
Lots of couples break up. The children will sometimes then split their time between two homes, or live only with one parent, or spend most of their time with one parent and see the other on weekends and during the holidays.
Your family arrangement might be something else entirely. Your parents might discuss the new arrangements with you, now that they are splitting up.
It’s important for you to share your opinion too, and to ask questions if you have any.
It’s important that the school is aware of what’s going on at home too. Once they know, your tutor or Head of Year can support you and be there for you.
They can make sure that other teachers understand too, which could be helpful if you’re struggling to keep up with school work at the moment.
Change can be stressful, and if the new arrangement means that you’re splitting your time between two homes, that can be challenging.
One thing you could do, that might help, is to have some of your important items in both places. Things like a spare set of your school uniform or any other clothes that you need.
Sticking to regular activities can help too. If you go to a club or meet up with a friend regularly, try to continue to do these things.
Routines can be comforting when there are a lot of other changes in your life.
It is difficult when parents separate, and any change, especially a big life change like this, takes time to get used to.
It might not get easier to accept and you might not like a lot of the changes that are happening, but it will become more familiar with time.
And don’t forget that if you’re worried about something, you can always talk to your parents, your friends, your Head of Year at school, or a counsellor.
Possible activities
Activity 1 - Recognising emotions
Pupils could be asked to create an emotions graph to record the range of emotions Seren experiences during the film (Health and Well-being; Mathematics and Numeracy; Languages, Literacy and Communication)
Further activity: pupils could be asked to choose three emotions from the graph above and write (or discuss with a partner) when and why Seren experienced this feeling (Health and Wellbeing; Languages, Literacy and Communication)
For example:
Sadness
When did she feel sad? – She felt sad when her dad went to live in Wrexham.
Why does this make her feel sad? – She realises she won’t see her dad as much. She feels sad that her family situation has changed forever.
Feeling angry or irate
When did she feel angry? – When her father had a new baby.
Why did this make her angry? – She is angry that her father will have a new child. She feels he already has two children – and is perhaps angry that she doesn’t see so much of her father as she once did. She may feel angry because she thinks she will have to compete with this new baby for her father’s attention.
The teacher can draw pupils’ attention to the fact that experiencing the above emotions is completely natural.
Activity 2 - Create a weekly schedule
(Digital Competency)
Seren needs to be very organised with her things and her clothes now she shares her time between two homes. Pupils could be asked to research the digital software available to assist with organising a week / timetable.
When researching the software available pupils could be asked to consider the following:
What information would Seren find useful to be able to record in the software? (for example days of the week; dates; time of day; who she’s staying with; name of activity and location; equipment / resources she needs)
What sort of things would be of additional help to Seren to keep track of things? (for example, placing reminders on her phone at certain times; sharing the organiser / timetable with mum and dad; using different colours to highlight equipment / activity etc).
Pupils could be asked to use the software to create a timetable / organiser that would help Seren keep track of the following two weeks:
Seren’s Timetable
- Monday, 1 October – Friday, 5 October (staying with mum)
- Friday Night, 5 – Monday Morning 8 October (staying with dad – dad taking Seren to school on Monday morning 8 October)
- Monday, 8 October – Friday, 12 October (staying with mum)
- Friday Night, 12 – 13 October (staying with dad)
- 14 October back with mum
- Netball club every Monday night
- Needs to take P.E. clothes to school every Tuesday and Friday
- Needs to wear her own clothes on Monday 8 October for a school trip to the theatre
- Needs to submit an art project by 14 October.
Activity 3 - Dealing with change
(Languages, Literacy and Communication; Health and Well-being)
After watching the film pupils could be asked to
- note three things Seren did to feel better / help herself after her parents separated
- rank these from the most effective (number 1) to the least effective (number 3) in their opinion.
- discuss in pairs what two further things they would suggest Seren could do to help herself cope with the situation?
It should be emphasised that there is no right or wrong answer and that everyone copes and deals with challenges differently. It is also important to remember that a situation or challenge can feel more difficult or easier at different times.
Activity 4 - Respond to a letter to a problems column in a magazine for young people
(Languages, Literacy and Communication; Health and Well-being)
Seren has written a letter to a problems column asking for more advice on how to deal with her family situation. Pupils could be asked to write a letter responding to Seren sharing suggestions/advice with her on how to deal with the change (Language and Literacy).
Pupils could think about:
- appropriate style (formal or informal language; friendly / supportive tone etc)
- the structure – what to include at the beginning, middle and end of the letter
- the advice to offer and also include sentences that persuade / convince Seren to try some of the suggestions. They could look for evidence to support the advice offered – and include the evidence in the letter to reinforce their point
Curriculum links
Health and Well-being
- I can reflect and learn from the past in order to anticipate and prepare myself and others for future experiences.
- I can identify different strategies to self-regulate my emotions in response to a range of experiences.
Language, Literacy and Communication
- I can understand and analyse general meaning and implied ideas.
- I can listen empathetically to different people’s viewpoints on various subjects, using them to arrive at my own conclusions.
- I can make informed choices about vocabulary, idiomatic language and syntax in order to express myself with fluency, clarity and accuracy.
- I can respond to others’ points of view, summarising and evaluating what I have heard, read or seen, structuring arguments and challenging what others say with confidence and sensitivity.
Where next?
Tomos's story. video
Tomos has fallen in love for the first time. He’s head over heels for Sara, but he’s starting to feel like he doesn’t see much of his friends anymore. How can he find a better balance in his life – without ruining his relationship with Sara?
Alys's story. video
Alys is feeling sad and lonely as her best friend has become close friends with another girl. How will Alys cope with this? What can she do to make herself feel better?
Elis's story. video
Elis's mum died this year. In these films, we see how he adjusts to life without his mum and also learn how someone could help support a friend who is grieving.
