OK, so you can't have failed to notice - because it's up there at the top of the page and on Ouch's homepage - that I'm going on holiday. Yes, the team are finally going to let me take a well-earned break from blogging duties, and I'm jetting off to sunny Benidorm next week. I've been told that all the bars are fully accessible (and I almost believe them), so to be honest I'm not particularly fussed about whether I can get into the hotel or not. Who needs a room to stay in when there are cocktails to be drunk?

Anyway, the Ouch guys can't cope without me - sad, but true - so they're looking for three guest bloggers from amongst the devoted readership (that means you) to take my place. Think you could do it? If so, go and read up on how to apply. Please note that friends and relatives of the Monkey are not eligible to be considered (that means you, Mum), so I'll be checking all the emails very carefully . . .