What are 'parenting styles' and should parents follow them?

Children may not come with an instruction manual, but parents can be caught up in a whirlwind of conflicting advice. Finding the guidance you want to follow and can trust can be difficult and there are lots of references , especially online, to what are known as ‘parenting styles’

The idea is that they can create a framework – so that understanding what your parenting style is - or what you want it to be - can help you be more confident in your decisions, rather than questioning whether you’re doing the right thing. But are parenting styles right for every parent and are they a construct?

Advocates of parenting styles suggest that people move between different styles and that most parents will adapt their approach to parenting depending on the situation or their child’s individual needs. They also suggest they can help parents to see how they differ from each other and can help them to understand and adapt to each other’s style.

There are many variations on parenting styles – here are four of the most common:

Authoritarian parenting

This is a “because I said so” style of parenting. The parent sets rules about expected behaviour and enforces them without explanation. Children are expected to follow them without questioning and are often punished for not doing so.

Authoritative parenting

Parents are nurturing and supportive without laying down the law - but they do set firm limits. Instead of giving their children a list of rules without explanation, they will take time to make it clear why they have made certain decisions. If their child disagrees, they will make sure they listen, but they won’t necessarily change their minds. The parent is still in charge.

Permissive parenting

This is the opposite of authoritarian parenting and involves letting the child lead. Permissive parents often see their role as more of a friend than someone “in charge”. They generally don’t set rules or even boundaries and avoid confrontation.

Gentle parenting

This style is similar to authoritative parenting, but where authoritative parents act as leaders, gentle parents guide. It is focused less on punishment and reward than developing a child’s understanding of their own behaviour. Authoritative parents set clear rules, gentle parents collaborate with their children to come up with solutions.

While parents and carers might recognise some of themselves in these approaches – might they be too defined and restrictive for many people?

And might they be an opportunity for some people to judge how other people parent?

This programme from BBC Sounds offers examples of the different styles, and talks about how variations on Authoritative, Permissive and Gentle parenting can cause conflict online because of how people interpret what these styles mean and how to approach them.

Bitesize Parenting talked to Michelle Beaumont (Children and Parenting Service, Incredible Years (CAPS) and Tuyet Dickens (Empowering Parents Empowering Communities (EPEC) Manchester) from the charity Family Action, who specialise in supporting people through change and challenges – offering practical help in communities.

They are both aware of parenting styles but find these too limiting. In their practice Michelle says “we talk about, what's the risk of using these ‘extreme’ styles of parenting for children. We try and come in the middle - because obviously we want to help children become independent…make good choices - but we do all of that through modelling, prompting, and helping children by creating a safe environment through consistent rules and routines”

Tuyet says “We talk about normalising that parenting is hard. It’s OK to ask for help. And there is no one way of parenting. You're doing your best. and your best is good enough…”

Tuyet continues that the key is to look after yourself as a parent, because until you do that, you cannot look after your children to the best of your ability. “We don't talk parenting styles at all…it’s about how we communicate and we want to get to an assertive communication style with our children where we express our feelings, but we hold our boundaries because that keeps them safe and that creates independence.”

“It's about how you manage your relationship with your child and creating a stronger bond for a more stress-free family life… [so] labels of parenting is, I think that's like hype - that's the sort of trending stuff.”

We asked Tuyet and Michelle for their top parenting tips as practitioners who work closely with families to support their children.

• Good enough Vs Perfect Parent - It’s not about being a perfect parent, it’s aiming to be good enough for you and your child and that takes effort! Having realistic expectations, not putting yourself down, be kind to yourself, and realise you are not alone.

• Importance of self-care - Whilst being a parent is one of the most wonderful jobs in the world, the reality is it can also be very difficult. It’s hard to pour from an empty jug as you will have nothing left to give. Taking care of your own needs will mean you can then look after your children’s needs and less likely to get overwhelmed.

• Acknowledging and expressing feelings – be confident to express your feelings assertively to your children and other people in your lives to get your own needs met. By doing this, we can help our children know and understand their own feelings. Our children’s feelings are part of them and by acknowledging their feelings, they learn to regulate their own behaviours, learn to trust their feelings, and it helps them build their self-esteem.

• It’s OK to ask for help - Talking to professionals such as health visitors, nursery workers, children’s centre staff, and other parents can prove invaluable support for parents. It is important to listen to yourself and what your gut is telling you and sometimes getting the right support can make a huge difference as it’s hard to do it all on your own.

This article was published in May 2026

For more support and further reading:

Family Action offer self-help articles for parents

Empowering Parents Empowering Communities (EPEC) - CPCS - The Centre for Parent & Child Support

Parents - The Children And Parents' Service (CAPS)

Read more on parenting styles and approaches here

And on European and American perspectives on parenting here