Markus Birdman

One Step Beyond

What is your show all about?

It's about an hour. One step Beyond was the first album I ever bought. It was at this point I realised I wanted to be in showbiz. The show's about that and some of the other reasons I'm in showbiz as a comedian. If that isn't enough to entice you there is this great section were I re-enact the Battle of the Bulge with breadsticks (I was there first Anna Friel) and of course the bit everyone's talking about, when I behead the Bishop of Rochester with a particularly stale baguette. If the baguette doesn't hold up for the whole run I shall have to use conjoining buns.

Where and when can we see it?

It's at The Pod at 7pm. It is so hilarious though that whoever sees it will have my beardy face indelibly arch-welded onto their memory, so they will be able to see it again and again at their leisure. No extra charge!

Do you love Edinburgh or is it a chore?

Well it's a bit like the time I baby-sat for Lord Lucan. Great fun, but it did go on a bit too long.

What will you be doing with the other 23 hrs of the day?

Sampling the delights of the city, and seeing my peers' shows. I shall also be running a hospice in Leith for dalmations who have lost their spots. That might take up a good deal of the day.

What's the best thing you've ever seen on the fringe?

A dalmation re-united with his spots. It was a very moving experience. Either that or when some buffoon on the royal mile fell of his stilts and really hurt himself.

What's the worst thing you've seen?

The bill I got in 2002. Thanks Edinburgh Council, we love your generosity of spirit.

What's the most curious thing that's happened to you in Edinburgh?

I lost two teeth in 2001. Not so much as a tooth-fairy, more of a Gay-pride march through my dentistry.

If you could persuade one VIP to come to your show who would it be? Why?

Robert the Bruce. I do this pitch for a homo-erotic tv sitcom based on the premise there are a lot of real dudes called Bruce (lee, willis, Forsyth, etc.) and to be honest, it's really a 2-hander.

If the Edinburgh fairy could grant your wish, what would your wish for?

I don't want anything to do with Edinburgh fairies. It's not big and it's not clever. And give my teeth back.

What advice do you have for first time Edinburgh punters?

Come to my show, if nothing else, just to see a man eat a whole chesterfield sofa whilst recanting his Judaism. Failing that just be careful with your teeth.