But surely Manchester City will not fall on their backsides here against FC Copenhagen in Thursday night's Uefa Cup match as easily as an unwieldy Englishman in unsuitable shoes?

Well, the locals think they might.

It's been five seasons since any of their sides has progressed beyond Christmas in any European competition.

Now they have two representatives in the last 32 of the Uefa Cup - and one of them has virtually guaranteed a place in the final 16 already.

That's because Aalborg thrashed Deportivo La Coruna 3-0 in the first leg of their tie on Wednesday night, a result that must go down as one of the biggest upsets in this season's competition.

It's also a warning to Manchester City that, whilst this game comes in the Danish league's downtime, Copenhagen cannot be taken lightly.

To add to the spice, the winners of the Aalborg v Deportivo contest will play either FC Copenhagen or Manchester City in the next round.

FC Copenhagen beat Manchester United and Celtic in their Parken Stadium only two years ago in the Champions League and are not accustomed to home defeats - only one in 11 months.

They are captained by Ulrik Laursen, who played for Celtic in the Uefa Cup final against FC Porto, and possess Cesar Santin, a Brazilian striker with a goalscoring record that commands respect.

Jesper Gronkjaer, the former Chelsea winger, is likely to be a substitute as he continues his comeback from a lengthy injury.

Thankfully for City, Libor Sionko, a dangerous winger who had an impressive Euro 2008 with the Czech Republic and who used to play for Rangers, is ill and will not play.

As for City, well they have been terrible away from home for months in the Premier League.

At Portsmouth last Saturday, the patience of Mark Hughes finally seemed to snap, with the manager as critical of his players as he has ever been.

The Uefa Cup is now their only chance for glory this season - and maybe Hughes' best chance of keeping the club's new owners on his side.

That's no doubt why they have brought all their big guns for this game.

At training on Wednesday night, Robinho was the focus of every camera lens. No surprise there -and City will hope for no surprises later either.

One of the first things that Capello did as England manager was to restore David James to the starting XI. The Portsmouth stopper started every one of the 11 games since, with Joe Hart, Scott Carson and Robert Green being given one substitute appearance each.

Spain may have put some perspective on England's prospects of actually winning 2010 World Cup, but there's no doubt that, under Capello, England look a much improved side.
However, in those 11 games with Capello at the helm, England have kept only three clean-sheets.

Now, I am not laying the blame for that statistic solely at the goalkeeper's door, but I do worry about going into a World Cup with a first-choice keeper who, by then, will be almost 40 years old. Observers of both the 1990 and 2002 World Cups might say that England were undone by a lack of agility from ageing goalkeepers at the crucial moment and I am really worried that something similar could happen in South Africa.

Peter Shilton was nearly 41 when Andreas Brehme's free-kick looped off Paul Parker into the net in the 1990 semi-final; Dave Seaman was about to turn 39 when Ronaldinho either fluked or curled the winning goal in the quarter-final of 2002. Bad luck in both cases? Maybe. Would a younger keeper have saved them? Maybe.

At the business end of a World Cup, there is simply no margin for error.

At present, there are only seven English goalkeepers in the Premier League who are first picks for their managers. They are Paul Robinson, Matt Duke, Steve Harper, David James, Scott Carson, Robert Green and Chris Kirkland. Harper and Duke are the only uncapped keepers on that list.

You could have included Joe Hart until a couple of weeks ago. But with Shay Given now at Manchester City, Hart's progression is likely to come to an abrupt halt - if he stays at City, of course.

Hart is 21 and best placed to be the number one beyond 2010, but his nervous display on his debut in Trinidad suggests that he is not ready yet.

It may be that a new face emerges in the next 18 months, or even that a goalkeeper from outside the top flight gets a chance. But that seems unlikely. So who are the three to take to South Africa?

If I had to make the choice, I would be carefully reconsidering the claims of Robinson. Any player with 41 England caps and a World Cup Finals under his belt has to be in the frame. Of course, he will always be remembered for that goal in Zagreb. I was commentating at the time and described it as the worst goal England would ever concede. I hope I am right about that. It was truly awful, though not necessarily all his fault.

In the aftermath, Robinson's form crumbled. He kept only seven clean sheets in his next 57 Premier League games. My impression is that at Blackburn he has got his career back on track and, most importantly, has re-built his confidence. At 29, he is in the right age bracket. I hope he is given another chance.

In his analysis of the Newcastle v Sunderland game, Alan Hansen described it as a match in which "no quarter was asked". Al actually didn't get as far as completing the familiar phrase, but it is so well known the shorthand version would do.

But do we really know what the phrase means? I don't. I know it is a phrase used to describe the kind of match in which two sides display even greater than usual commitment, but how did it end up meaning that? What is a quarter in this context?

Are there other football-related phrases which seem meaningless on the face of it but which everybody understands to mean the same thing?

There is a great book called the Football Lexicon by Leigh and Woodhouse - but quarters, whether they are asked for or given or not, don't get a mention.

As a commentator, I find the language of football pretty interesting and consciously try not to resort to cliché, though sometimes "Oh, what a goal!" just comes out of your mouth before you have the chance to stop it! Actually, sometimes the goal is so good there is not much else to say about it.

One colleague of mine often uses the expression "if my memory serves me correct" when what he actually means is "if my eyesight has not let me down". The reality is that the fact, whatever it may be, is written in front of him in his notes.

One radio commentator frequently says "it goes a long way" when the ball flashes into the penalty area, which, I reckon, is a time-buying device. It gives him a split second to establish exactly who has done what in the subsequent melee.

I would be very interested to know if I use any similar verbal ticks without realising it. As for the old "no quarter asked or given" question, any explanations out there?

This season Martin Keown, the former England and Arsenal defender, has been joining us, and, from my point of view, it's been really beneficial having him there. The opportunity to ask him about Arsene Wenger before interviewing the Gunners boss was invaluable.

The meeting this week was well attended. As well as Keown, there was Garth Crooks, Mark Bright, John Motson and Jonathan Pearce and without wanting to pat us on the back too much, I thought last Saturday's programme previewing the FA Cup fourth round was a terrific watch.

The rights to the FA Cup are in the hands of ITV and Setanta at the moment, which means the BBC is unable to show any archived Cup action from the last 10 years. Given such restrictions, sometimes necessity is the mother of invention - and the team came up with some really creative ideas at the weekend.

Rugby commentator Eddie Butler's reflections on his support for Cardiff City and singer Tony Christie's visit to boyhood heroes Doncaster Rovers were real gems. (Is this the way to hammer Villa?)

After the FA Cup, it's back to the Premier League and, with a full programme of midweek matches to savour, Match of the Day makes a Wednesday night appearance this week. I'm at West Ham's game with Hull City and it will be interesting to see the Hammers, who have improved significantly in recent weeks under Gianfranco Zola and Steve Clarke. Last time I saw them was at Old Trafford back in October and while their 2-0 defeat was hardly a shock, their limp performance was.

One big bright spot for the Hammers has been the emergence of Jack Collison, who, it turns out, is related to my old headmaster. John Gwilliam, or "Sir" as I would almost certainly find myself calling him if we met again, was the captain of one of the great Welsh triple-crown winning rugby union sides of the 1950s. A stickler for neatness and discipline, he was not exactly what you would call a football fan. In fact, we were not even allowed to play football in school. What he must make of being related to a modern Premier League star-in-the-making, I am not sure.

If Collison turns out to be as good at his chosen sport as Gwilliam was, at his, then Welsh football will have real cause for optimism.

The Old Trafford tunnel is where the post-match interviews take place, and it was certainly a fascinating place to be after the game.

The man, who, in the autumn, seemed to have unshackled Chelsea and turned them into a dynamic attacking force, was left reflecting sadly on his side's failure to make one decent scoring chance.

I asked him if he had an answer to their loss of form. "I don't know," was the simple reply as he also confirmed that there would be no significant transfer business this month.

As we waited for Giggs to have treatment before coming out to face the BBC cameras, the Chelsea players were hanging around for word that the club coach had pulled up outside to whisk them away.

Suddenly Jose Mourinho appeared. All smiles but looking slightly incongruous in a woolly beige cardigan, the former Blues manager went from man to man shaking hands, embracing and whispering sweet nothings in their ears. The Chelsea players were clearly delighted to see him, and he them.

The likes of Terry, Lampard and Drogba would not be human if they did not allow themselves to ask what might have been over the last 12 months were Mourinho still in charge, although it's easy to forget that Chelsea started poorly under his leadership last season.

There was a love affair of sorts between Mourinho and many of the current players. As he swept out of the tunnel on Sunday, the Inter Milan boss looked tanned, relaxed and as charismatic as ever; a man who is now comfortable with the split and over the hurt of separation. To the players he left behind, he may have looked more special than ever.

Compared to nurses, firemen and teachers, the job of football commentator sounds pretty dumb. Hardly a proper occupation for a grown-up, I think you'll agree.

Generally, just as I am struggling to convey how tough it is being sent to watch football every weekend, I get asked what I do during the week or during the summer.

Given the answer is "more football", I then have to give up and admit that it is pretty much a dream job.

I remember feeling particularly sorry for myself one New Year's Eve several years ago. Fate had dealt me a cruel hand with an early kick-off on New Year's Day a long, long way from home - Middlesbrough to be exact.

Whilst all the colleagues I was due to work with lived near enough to travel to the ground on the morning of the game, I live near the south coast and had to go the day before.

As Teesside went crazy with excitement when midnight struck, I was going stir-crazy in my hotel room on my own.

You can imagine how delighted I was when about 200 happy revellers pitched up in the room next to mine at three in the morning intent on keeping the party going. Thank God for earplugs.

There is nothing more likely to earn you a puzzled stare than turning up in a business suit for a hotel breakfast for one at half past seven on the morning of New Year's Day.

Some years prior to that lonely Hogmanay, I had spent Christmas Day in the flat I lived in at the time with only the friend of a friend and a Bernard Matthews turkey roast for company.

All my flat-mates had returned to the bosom of their families, but I had to stay in London because Leyton Orient's crunch match on Boxing Day had my name on it.

At least that year I could enjoy a beer with the dinner we cobbled together. I recall driving back to London from my in-laws' house one Christmas night having foregone even the chocolate liqueurs whilst my wife and kids stayed behind.

It was only on the way home that I realised my car had very little petrol in it and that the garage proprietors of Sussex had strangely decided not to stay open on Christmas night just for me. It was a long and nerve-shredding journey.

Having no fixtures this New Year will certainly feel strange, but not as strange as not having an FA Cup third round tie to commentate on over the first weekend in January.

The loss of the contract for the Cup is still extremely keenly felt in the BBC's football department.

Being perched on a scaffolding gantry, eyes watering in the face of a freezing wind watching a would-be giant-killer in action is frankly my idea of a fantastic day. Whatever I do instead that weekend it won't be the same.

In the meantime, I hope you have had a great Christmas and wish you and your team luck in 2009.

The league is so close from the bottom up that only four points separate West Brom in 19th from Everton in seventh.

A year ago there were seven teams yet to make it into double figures. For the record they were Fulham, Sunderland, Wigan, Middlesbrough, Spurs , Bolton and Derby. One year later and only Spurs have fewer than 10 points. They may be bottom on nine points at the moment, but I don't think that even the most pessimistic White Hart Laner thinks they will stay there; such is the magic of Harry Redknapp.

Above Tottenham sit West Brom. I am sure that if you had offered Tony Mowbray 11 points from the first 11 games he would have taken it - after all, in the last 10 seasons only three sides have gone down with an average of a point a game. Yet they are still in the relegation zone.

There are good signs from Ishmael Miller and Roman Bednar for the Baggies and they have crucial games against Stoke, Wigan, Portsmouth and Sunderland before a tough-looking Christmas.

The relationship between Bolton fans and managerGary Megson has never looked a harmonious one. Actually I think Megson has done a fine job considering the club were in disarray in the months which followed Sam Allardyce's departure. Unlike West Brom, Bolton do not concede too many (less than Aston Villa at the moment) but scoring is a real problem. Johan Elmander has missed too many games to get into his stride and his goals can't come soon enough.

Wigan boss Steve Bruce seems to have unearthed the find of the summer in Amr Zaki who has the perfect foil in Emile Heskey, but there are question marks over the future of both. Wigan simply cannot afford to lose either in January. Their midfield is excellent but there are defensive problems which remain unsolved.

Fulham's problems are all away from home where they have just three wins from their last 41 Premier League games. Those three wins were the last three away games of last season when they escaped by the skin of their teeth.

Their squad looks much better this season but they must stop the rot away from Craven Cottage. A midfield of Simon Davies, Danny Murphy, Jimmy Bullard and Zoltan Gera is great to watch but I still think it may be a luxury in their position, being full of ball players rather than ball winners. You have to admire Roy Hodgson, though, for the way he is determined to play.

Some weeks Sunderland look all too ready to cave in and maybe still lack a little authority and experience, but I just can't see them being sucked into the real mire. They do need a partner for Djibril Cisse though. El-Hadji Diouf has never been a natural goalscorer and never will be.

Newcastle's soap opera has stumbled upon an unlikely hero in Joe Kinnear. One pundit labelled him a desperate appointment from a desperate club, but maybe people exuding unwarranted confidence was part of the problem. A few home truths have certainly had the desired effect so far. However, whether the club is sold and what happens next if it is will be crucial, and calamity may yet be just around the corner.

Paul Ince's first steps into top flight management at Blackburn have not all been assured. One or two transfers have raised the eyebrows as have one or two results. The January window will reveal whether some key players are ready to be tempted away but on their day they are a very capable side and should not be sweating come May.

Stoke have taken great delight in upsetting the elite. They are touchy about criticism of the way they play and I don't blame them; it's not their fault that visiting teams are panicking at the sight of a packed six-yard box as Rory Delap wipes the dirt from his hands on the touchline.

It's not all that great to watch at times but their fans couldn't care less. Actually they have some players worth keeping an eye on at Stoke and Tom Soares ,signed from Crystal Palace, looks a proper prospect. I think they are here to stay for a while so the Premier League had better get used to it.

West Ham look vulnerable to me. The squad needs thinning but how many are saleable assets at anything like the price they paid for them? I saw them at Manchester United recently and thought they were very poor; only their young substitutes Freddie Sears and Jack Collison showed the quality you would expect from some of the more established names. I am thrilled that Gianfranco Zola is back in England but managing West Ham is looking harder by the week.

That's the bottom 10 at time of writing; of those in the top half Middlesbrough, Hull and Portsmouth could yet fall away but probably not so far as to be consumed by relegation.
All 10 can make a quite reasonable claim for having what it takes to stay up, but three of them won't. Whoever goes down may be counting themselves very, very unlucky.

This will be Spurs' first ever trip to the Britannia Stadium and my first for almost a decade. I remember reporting on a game in the Championship for Radio 5 Live not long after I joined the BBC. It was an exceptionally cold Sunday and there was precious little atmosphere or excitement.

It promises to be a bit different this weekend, with a full house and both sides anxious to stay in touch with the pack above them.

There was one topical name in those old notes though. Chris Iwelumo had just signed for Stoke after a spell in Danish football last time I saw them play. If he featured in the game all those years ago then I don't remember him. Unfortunately he's now infamous for that miss at Hampden. "Iwelumo, you tube!" is probably not quite what the Tartan Army were shouting at the time, but you can bet that the You Tube website will ensure the moment won't be forgotten for a good while yet.

It's been Spurs' worst start to a season since 1912, a bewildering mess leaving fans angry and pointing the finger at manager Juande Ramos and sporting director Damien Comolli in equal measure.

I'm not sure where the blame lies but there have been some very strange decisions taken. Why has David Bentley hardly played in his best position, the right of midfield? I'm sure that when he put pen to paper Bentley did not expect that Aaron Lennon would be preferred in that position. After all, if Spurs thought that Lennon had what it takes, why splash out more than £15m on a player who wants to be in the same part of the pitch? Bentley is now finding it so hard to build up momentum that he has been struggling to get in the team at all.

Not replacing Jermain Defoe and Robbie Keane was risky at best, given Dimitar Berbatov's "dream" to go to Old Trafford. Roman Pavlyuchenko is still finding his feet, but the idea of a partnership between the Russian and Darren Bent already seems to have been abandoned.

At the back they miss Ledley King terribly but he hasn't played two games in a week since January, and clearly still needs to be used sparingly after a long run of injuries.

All this and more will have been debated long and hard in Tottenham's patch of north London, not least at their training ground. Having seen their solid display at Chelsea in August, I am still convinced they'll improve. What must be galling for Spurs fans, though, is that it's already too late for them to challenge for the Champions League, something that seemed within touching distance only a couple of years ago.

At 5 feet 6 he is tiny in stature but his huge talent gives him presence, surely more than enough to ensure that those in West Ham's dressing room pay attention.

I remember going to Chelsea's training ground, then a couple of muddy fields near Heathrow, to do some interviews for Capital Radio. Zola was practising free-kicks, his technique learnt from Diego Maradona on Napoli's training ground years before. With a young goalkeeper on each post, and a wall in position in front of the ball, again and again he left the keepers motionless and those watching speechless. Genius at work.

November 1996 was when Zola arrived at Stamford Bridge to become the lynchpin of the emergent club.

In the mid-nineties Stamford Bridge was a very different place to the steel and glass edifice it is now. Starved of success, an average Chelsea crowd at the start of the Premier League era in 1992/93 was less than 19,000. The Bridge itself was a mess, hopelessly ill-equipped in the post-Hillsborough world of English football. The low oval terrace of the Shed may have a forbidding place but it was also crumbling. And then there was the old West Stand, featuring long blue-painted haemorrhoid-inducing concrete slabs laughably described as seating.

On the pitch, a series of big money signings faded under the weight of expectation. These were the days of Mark Stein, Paul Furlong and Robert Fleck.

The beginning of the transformation might be traced to the decision of Chairman Ken Bates and Managing Director Colin Hutchison to appoint Glenn Hoddle as manager.

Hoddle had a name on the continent and therefore pulling power; soon Chelsea did too.

In 1994 they reached their first major final in over 20 years losing to Manchester United at Wembley in the FA Cup, but crucially qualifying for the Cup Winners Cup the following season.

They made the semi-finals of that competition and within a month had signed perhaps the biggest name going, Ruud Gullit.

Even though Hoddle left to take over the England job from Terry Venables, the ball was now well and truly rolling. With Gullit as the new manager, Chelsea could attract Gianluca Vialli, and then Zola who became surely one of the best ever imports to our game.

Eventually, of course, the ball rolled all the way to Moscow and to the attention of Roman Abramovich.

Each name had its part to play in the Chelsea story, and each deserves the gratitude of today's Chelsea fans; but none commands affection quite like Zola.

Off the pitch he struck me as modest, calm and quietly spoken. A man of his word too; he promised his home town team Cagliari that he would finish his career with them and he did - despite the fact that Roman Abramovich's first act as Chelsea owner was to offer him huge incentives to return.

His lack of experience makes him a bold appointment but, as he moves back to England, Zola will not be short of well-wishers. West Ham fans understand the value of football played with style, few have ever played the game with more style than their new manager.

As if defeats in their opening two games were not bad enough, the Dimitar Berbatov saga has edged closer to its inevitable conclusion with the Bulgarian staying away from the game. After talks on Friday, Berbatov was deemed not to be "in the right frame of mind" to play.

In his post-match interview, a refreshingly honest but clearly frustrated Gus Poyet made it pretty clear that Berbatov has run out of allies at the club. The only hurdle now is persuading Manchester United to pay what Tottenham feel he is worth - and that might not be easy with Berbatov's value falling by the day.

Should the deal go through, Tottenham will then have just a few days, or maybe even hours, to find new faces or hope Darren Bent comes up trumps.

Ideally, with no replacements having been brought in for Robbie Keane or Jermain Defoe, let alone Berbatov, they need more than one top striker. But Spurs will then find themselves in a sellers' market as, with the transfer window on the point of closing, they would almost certainly end up paying over the odds for whoever they do sign.

Zenit Saint Peterburg's Andrei Arshavin has been linked with Tottenham for weeks, and interestingly was left out of their side which played Krylia Sovetov on Saturday. However, I'm not at all sure he is the answer. Arshavin is an excellent player but not a centre forward - the Russian season started in March and he has scored just three goals in the 19 games Zenit have played - and another creative attacking midfielder is not what Tottenham need.

You also have to take into account that if Arshavin were to move to England now, he would be playing an eight-month Premier League season on top of five months of the Russian season without any break, which is hardly ideal.

The same would apply to another Tottenham target, Spartak Moscow's Roman Pavlyuchenko and the fact that Spartak have just sacked their coach could also make it difficult for them to sell.

It all adds up to a monumental headache for Juande Ramos, particularly as Spurs play Chelsea next Sunday. If they fail to take a point from Stamford Bridge, it will be their worst start to a season for 29 years.

After Chelsea, it will be Aston Villa and by then Dimitar Berbatov will surely have been unveiled as a Manchester United player, but how will that story unfold? As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

One insider at Spurs told me on Saturday that the Bulgarian is an intensely private individual who detests the attention which being a footballer brings and who is uncomfortable with the adulation. You only have to hear the shrieks of excitement that greet the sight of even John O'Shea walking through the players' car park at Old Trafford to know that at Manchester United attention and adulation are guaranteed.

Last time out Manchester United won their first and last games on penalties, winning the Community Shield in the first and the Champions League in the last.

History has already been repeated with the first bit of silverware of this season and they will be one of the favourites to win the Champions League again. At this rate there will be no room for any players on the United team photo, just a line up of trophies surrounding Fergie.

Take nothing for granted though; you may remember that Reading were the first lambs to the slaughter at Old Trafford last season but came away with a nil-nil draw. Didn't do them much good in the long run though, did it?

I am organising the Match of the Day sweep again which was won last season by editor Andrew Clement. To our shame the commentators performed particularly badly in predicting who would finish where and win what. I'll let you know if the tables are turned as the season progresses.

I expect virtually everyone who enters the sweep to tip either Hull or Stoke or both to go down. They may be right, but I really hope that no team has to go through being humiliated like Derby were at the top level.

I'm off to the KC Stadium on Saturday for the first day of the season and Hull City's match against Fulham. This will be Hull's first ever game in football's top flight and I'm told that they could have sold out many times over.

I've never been to the KC Stadium but went to Hull's old Boothferry Park many times. My grandfather was a Hull City fan and took us to see the likes of Ken Wagstaffe and, towards the end of his career, Billy Bremner play for the Tigers.

There was never much of a crowd in those days, but we always had to leave 10 minutes early to "avoid the traffic". I well remember leaving the ground with Hull losing 2 - 1, only to find out back at his house that they'd won 3 - 2.

In 2001 Hull very nearly went out of business and out of the Football League. In the end relegation and bankruptcy were narrowly avoided with local businessmen paying the bills to keep the club afloat.

At the time those benefactors presented the club with a bell, asking that it should not be rung until the club's first ever game in the top flight. They could hardly have envisaged that would happen just seven years later.

I'll be there to see the bell chiming on Saturday before kick-off. My grandfather - who'd be 102 if he were alive today - would have loved to be there too. But I bet he'd still leave early.