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A 21st Century Love Story - Sean 4 Gabes

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 14:21:05 +0000

Now, don't get us wrong. Here at RC Towers we're peeking out from behind the sofa whenever Shady Sean pulls up in Shieldinch. But last night, we think we saw a flash of...well...humanity...in those otherwise emotionally-dead eyes. He is SO happy to have found a new bezzie in (wait for it!) GABES! Awww Gabes! The fact that he's got a little pet name for him already would be kinda cute if it wasn't Sean saying it. Bonding as they attempt to knock off some dodgy laptops, sharing a smile across the wheel of the van; they were only minutes away from becoming blood brothers before the polis rocked up and ruined the party...

...but wait? Who's behind this shock raid on the most conspicuous van in Shieldinch? Only our favourite gangster - LENNY ! Yes, Lenny is back on top and playing games at his best - he sure is determined to bring this Sean fella down - whilst keeping intact the most important moral guide for all gangsters, the Criminal Code. It's written down somewhere, but you can't see it. Oh no, it's only for the gangsters. And he's not even afraid to get Gabes (this nickname is totally sticking) involved in the arresting action - much to his chagrin. Never mind Lenny, give him some whisky, that'll help him forget all about those boggin' cells.

As for Will, the episode started well with another gratuitous shirtless shot of our fave DC. But we're not sure we're liking where he's going with this temper....we thought he was such a nice kindhearted boy? Now, it's one thing getting frustrated in the interview room (although silly and just a little unprofessional William). But taking your anger outside the police station and into the middle of Shieldinch? Will! It was the worst game of Cluedo ever as we all knew that it was Will, in the Pend, with his truncheon. You'd think he could have raided the evidence room for a mask at least. Have you learned nothing from all these dodgy crims you've been chasing in your gilet?

Can we just take some time out of this week's blog to discuss the cracking one liners DCI Donald is coming up with nowadays?! He's turning into a regular joke factory, though perhaps not intentionally. Coming to a shopping channel near you soon, a special DVD of his best moments, including such classics as:

• 'It's too early to talk about serial killers'. (it's never too early Donald, not in Shieldinch)
• 'Disneyland, where do you think?' (when asked where he's taking Gabes)
• 'Sometimes the bad guys get away' (only if you're a rubbish policeman!)

And our personal fave:

• The awkward moment where you wait for the excruciatingly-long-beep of the interview tape recorder. Ouch.

While Donald and Will were busy doing their best CSI Shieldinch impressions, the real effects of the Silvie's death were being visited on Poor Tattie. We're not sure how many times we've called Tattie that in the last few weeks but she's really going through the wringer this series. Poor Tattie. After a heart-wrenching moment in the morgue, she felt the wrath of Dan after Bob forgot to tell him where Tattie had gone. Thankfully Dan finally apologised, but Big Bob didn't. Oh no. He's feeling sorry for himself that he hasn't got Tattie's undivided attention. Anyone else worry that this love story is heading for the rocks? We don't want our Bob and Tattie to fight!

But let's end this blog on a happy note shall we? Has anyone else noticed the furtive (and actually, not very well hidden) looks between Hayles and Clark-Kent-Lookey-Likey Tom?! Here at RC Towers we're a BIG fan of the geek-chic, and our Tom has this in spades...we can see what Hayley might be finding interesting about this new man on the block! But with Iona clearly smitten, how's this going to work? Uh oh!

Next week, Robbie and Will are talking about being shacked up with 2.4 dogs (aaaaaawwwwwww!) and Gabe is the man to call when something maybe possibly might be on fire.

Quote of the week:

Very hard this week, there's been so many good ones. But after much deliberation it has to be...

Raymond: (so very very casual) What do you know about VAT?
Tom: .....Really?

Molly and Tatiana O'Hara: Wonder Woman and Super Nurse

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 16:23:53 +0000

Well folks, we'll tell you this now - if we are ever in trouble with anything, we want Molly and Tatiana O'Hara ring side. How amazing were those two this week? Sure, they were both pretty mean to poor wee Silvie to begin with. Molly was standing for no-nonsense at first and giving Silvie the no-nonsense eye to boot. While Tattie sang the tough love song and chuck her out on the street! But after the daring duo soon had taken Silvie under their wing, you knew tell they'd have fought to the death to help her out.

Tattie was particularly awesome this week doing her ER thing with Doctor Dan. Once Silvie had proved herself trustworthy, Tattie did everything she could (including getting into a domestic with Bob) to keep her safe and sound. Meanwhile, Molly was the one who kept the heid. Wow, that was one impressive poker face when Sean turned up at her doorstep and her giving Sean what for is definitely one of our highlights! Meanwhile, she knew exactly who to go to for getting things sorted - the Godfather of Shieldinch, Lenny. Her indignation when the grandfather of her great grandson wouldn't help her was another highlight as she flagged Will down in the street to scream at him that Lenny Murdoch had told her to go to the Polis!!!! You couldn't ask for two more determined people to help you out.

So it's all the more tragic that even they couldn't stop Shady Sean coming for his girl in the end! Especially looming over Silvie in the middle of the night! Eeek, that's going to give us nightmares for weeks to come. On a serious note, folks Silvie's story was pretty hard to hear but unfortunately not uncommon. Poor, poor Silvie. What a horrible thing to have gone through. And too many young and vulnerable people get drawn into her very dangerous world. Here's hoping that Silvie might manage to escape.

Across town, Will and Robbie's flat was looking fabulous as you would imagine. Although, quite a few people (Robbie, DCI Donald AND Bob) were very interested in Will's soft furnishings. Those must have been some seriously comfortable pillows. Poor Robbie, there he was trying to be nice and he ended up getting his head bitten off by DC Nasty! Come on Will, this is the side of you we've come to know and love. And we were loving Robbie's style, with his home mural and little wooden sailors. What's Will's problem? Still, it didn't stop Robbie being hostess with the mostest. Mai Tai anyone?!

Mind you, it seemed like all the young people were having trouble with their love lives this week! Hayley was getting depressed enough with online dating to give FHM-loving Mike a go...only to be knocked back. Oooh, ouch. And Iona was trying desperately to give snugly suited Tom the eye and trying to get Hayley to help her out. Hayley, in turn, epically failed at making Iona look good by nearly shoplifting some biscuits. Way to go Hayles. In fact, everyone was having a bad time of it apart, it seems, from Deek who has become a stud with a terrible dating strategy. Yes, Deek, absolutely go and date tons of women and tell them exactly how many women you're dating. Hands up if you think that will leave him with any second dates?

Coming up next week: What's this?! Do we see the dastardly DCI Donald making a deal with Lenny Murdoch?! And Tattie and Big Bob still haven't made up.

Quote of the week: Iona (never more grateful to see anyone in her life): Oh look, there's Deek!

STOP! Oh yes, wait a minute Mr Postman...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 14:11:02 +0000

Leyla and Nicole

We knew this episode was going to throw spanners at Shieldinch when Molly was so cheerful with the local postie. Something wicked this way comes.....

...much like this little spanner here. You might remember The One And Only Vikki Tennant abandoned us for rehab a little while back. Well, through the secret medium of Chinese Whispers she's finally been back in touch...I leave you in her hands...

Dear blog-fans, no, I haven't gone the way of my brother Cameron Tennant, I'm pleased to tell you that rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. However, it's been a busy couple of months for me which is why I left the Blog in the capable hands of MAMY. After the horrors of the Shieldinch Sex Tape I had to take some time out but just as I got over the night terrors, Lenny Murdoch found out that I'd stolen some of his drug money. He gave me an ultimatum - get out of Shieldinch within 24hours or be forced to listen to Murray's fishing tales for 2 hours. Well, of course, I just had to go. Unfortunately, I now find myself indebted to a moustache twirling villain by the name of Brendan Brady in a sleepy little village called Hollyoaks... So, what I'm trying to say in my roundabout way is I won't be back L It's very exciting but I'm really sad to be leaving River City. I've had a great couple of years on the show and I'm really going to miss it. What will I do without Tattie as an outlet for all my potato puns?! Thank you to everyone who has followed the Blog, I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! I hate half-baked goodbyes so all I'll say is... Vikki is 'scone' for now.

We'll miss her muchly. We're just grateful she hasn't gone the way of a certain Doctor's wife and started spending her nights downing wine and ordering random parcels (at least, we don't think so....). We know she's stressed from all that sneaking around with Sir Gabe, but seriously?! (Leyla that is, not Vicki, that rumour is completely unfounded).

So BIG drama in the Brodie household this week! And the day didn't even start well for them what with Nicole and Stevie having to play Mummy and Daddy to Adeeb and Conor. (Though Stevie playing Dad with the terrible twosome was very cute - awwww!) He even managed to cut Nicole down to size with some home truths. Wow, that's a miracle worker and a half.

Meanwhile, Leyla's been sleeping soundly (i.e. drunkenly) with the contents of an off licence stashed under her bed. Not only is it the least obvious place EVER to hide your booze, we at RC Towers imagine its probably not the easiest place to get to with all those shoes, dresses, spa brochures arriving through the postbox. She's got to stash those somewhere!

And weirdly, Zinnie's conscience seems to be rearing its head again. Wait is she....human after all?! Poor Zinnie - she's no angel but getting the blame for Leyla's drunken escapades isn't fair! We almost (almost) feel sorry for her. Perhaps...she shouldn't have so blatantly accused Leyla of being a raging alcoholic in the street but she'll learn! She certainly didn't convince Nicole...until the Young Ms Brodie went sneaking in Leyla's bedroom. What's she hoping to find? Uncle Gabe hiding under the bed? Like father like daughter! It's that kind of paranoid behaviour that is getting her Dad so riled in the nick. That was a heck of a talking to from Michael. No wonder Leyla was getting ready to tank the booze and let rip at Stevie. Who's taken my incredibly well-hidden stash of booze?!! We quite fancy our chances against Leyla in a game of hide and seek.

But our Poor Stevie - he blames himself for everything. Cammy, his murder, rubbish roast potatoes and...he's lost it, oh god, he's lost it! But he really was having to do everything around the house and talking to his mother-in-law about her drinking habits really was the last straw. After their incredibly awkward chat about her sex life as well. No wonder he finally let rip at Nicole when she demanded he make roast tatties as well. So a bit of harsh reality for Our Nic. And what did she learn from all this? Give the alkie more wine! Smooth move. We can see that ending well.

This week is just one surprise after another for RC Towers. Just when we thought the Evil Dr M couldn't come back from her mean treatment of Big Bob, she just redeems herself with a few kind words to Stella. We'd forgotten just how much life has turned around for Stella, so no wonder she's worried that she's messed up her future. But she seems to found an ally in Dr M. Lets hope everything falls into place for the arrival of a wee Wee Bob!

Ahhh Deek. Now we know you haven't been the luckiest in love, so living under the same roof as Shieldinch's greatest love affair can't be easy. But trying to quash their love with...paperwork?! Dearest Derek, step away from the stapler and realise this one isn't another flash in the pan. Our Robster's in love. Also, Will is like double your height and a hunky policeman. You were never going to win in that fight!

Next week: Tatiana is back trying to save poor souls when Silvie rocks back up in Shieldinch. But is that Shady Sean hot on her tail?

Quote of the week:
Stevie: Nicole, I don't think I can do this!
Nicole: Sure you can. You just add oil or something.

Dancing to the Jail House Ruckus

Thu, 24 May 2012 12:18:18 +0000

Well that was a rollicking ride through the dark side of Shieldinch....all this tension and drama is going to have us in a right old state!

Brotherly love was in short supply this week with the long awaited return of Brodie the Elder. We finally got to catch a glimpse of Michael's life in prison. And boy, what a fetching sweatshirt! It's obviously tough for poor Mickey locked away in there but telling Gabe to get out of Weege town? Glasgow North Prison felt like the OK Corral for a second there as the two brothers butted heads...and fists butted faces. Michael must have started lifting the weights as soon as the gate closed. That was one cracking right hook...

But kids, learn Michael's lesson. Violence doesn't pay. As he inevitably found out at the hands of Shady Sean's henchmen. It's starting to look like the newest gangster on the block is really getting his claws out...first with Michael, then with Lenny! Stuck trying to protect all and sundry from harm, it seems like Sir Gabriel of Brodie is heading towards darker places. But at least he's still got Liz to polish the Arcade machines whenever he's out. Phew!

But Gabe didn't just get a mouthful from the troublesome trio of Michael, Sean and Lenny this week. Oh no. Leyla had to put her tuppence worth in too...it was obviously all a bit much for her as she downed another glass (or six) of wine during lunch with a bemused Zinnie. Bemused because her usual breezy bitchiness seems to be disturbed by this pesky sense of right and wrong and the unsettling, unfamiliar feeling of concern for someone other than herself. One part of her brain is telling her all those bottles in the recycling ain't right, the other is telling her to run to that ATM quick sharp whilst Leyla is three sheets to the wind! Zinster, we can see a conscience lurking somewhere in there. Will we ever see it again?! We can't deny that Leyla's got it tough over there, what with Conor missing his Uncle Gabe, and Nicole being...well...Nicole. But that's a darn dangerous slippery slope you're on Mrs B.

On the upside, romance isn't dead in Shieldinch...it's just gone digital! Loved up Robbie can't bear to see Hayley lonely (plus he's just dying to gush about The Big W whenever and wherever he can!) Watch out Cilla, there's a new matchmaking team in town - Robbie and, erm...Deek. No, we wouldn't fancy them setting us up either. Entrepreneurial athlete Hayley wasn't all that happy at first but when Robbie finally realised what an eejit he was being, his lovely words melted her heart. Aww Hayles, we want you to find a nice fella too! They've got hats on sale and we've got our eye on a bargain...

Next week: Leyla's been splashing out and Nicole's desperate to visit her banged up Daddy

Quote of the week:
Lenny: "Course he cannae keep his hands off his brother's wife! How's he gonnae keep a secret, eh?" Oooooh, burn.

Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about? COOPER!

Thu, 17 May 2012 11:45:47 +0000

Does anybody else think that Molly could be the next Bond villain with a laugh like that? That was one moustache-twist away from being maniacal when both Big Bob and Gabriel got on the receiving end of the Mollinator's sharp tongue. What a shame she couldn't cow down Shady Sean as well. We're not best pleased to see this nasty figure start to encroach on the good folk of Shieldinch. Judging by our very own Don Lenny's reaction to him, it seems like he's seriously bad news. So, Gabriel! What are you doing?! Shieldinch's last remaining adult male Brodie was not making the best kind of decisions this week when he got into bed (metaphorically) with this Sean character. Not to mention the foot-stomping strop he had when Lenny asked him to pick up his lucky suit. Come on guys, why are you fighting over your glad rags? You're supposed to be hard-living gangsters!

Here's hoping that dashing DC Cooper closes the net round the dastardly Sean sooner rather than later. Though he maybe needs a wee bit of practice sneaking up on people. Switching your mobile phone off is surely Rule No. 1 closely followed by Rule No. 2 - Don't let wee neds bash your head into a brick wall. Poor Will. He managed to make DCI Donald royally peeved with his off-the-cuff investigation techniques AND got some war wounds in the bargain. But the idea of his man in action made Robbie swoon with delight and rush home to tend to his manly scrape. It looks like the lovebirds are taking the next step and moving in together! Can't wait to see how Zinnie and Deek get along with this new arrangement.

But speaking of trouble brewing, it looks like Big Bob's self-esteem hasn't improved since last week's pity-hire from Iona. With Tattie looking stunning in her new birthday top, all our favourite mini-market cashier wanted to do was hide away from the world. And who hasn't had that horrible moment when we walk into the pub and feel like everybody's laughing at us. Here's hoping the big yin is feeling perkier about himself next week. We know you can do it, Bob!

Coming up next week: Stop the presses!! Did we hear that Michael Brodie is back?!

Quote of the week
MOLLY: You better get changed before a button flies off and takes somebody's eye oot. Ahahahahahaha! AAAhahahahahahaha! AAAAAhahahahahahaha!!

This week's blog was brought to you by guest editors MAMY.

Episode VI: The Return of the Burns

Wed, 09 May 2012 14:18:54 +0000

So, random poll, who else was very excited to see Stevie Burns back on the streets of Shieldinch? Need we ask?! The cheeky-chappy-recovering-druggie was back and with a spring in his step in search of his beloved Nicole. Though, don't know about you, but Stevie's idea of romance left a little something to be desired. Sure, his heart was in the right place but his idea to attack-gift Nicole with a bunch of flowers in the middle of the street was more alarming than anything else. Surprise!!!!!! Anyone else would have had a heart attack but our Nicole didn't bat an eyelid. No one's sneaking up on her.

But poor Stevie. He had such big plans! Moving on with his life. Sprucing up his new bachelor pad with some fake leather sofas, a shag rug and a velour dressing gown (for the laaadies). And he's not home five minutes before Nicole's dragging him into her crazy domestic situation with the Geyla. Nicole went off the uber-brat scale when she discovered her step mum and Gabriel happened to be breathing the same oxygen and slapped the face off Leyla! Tsk, tsk Nicole. You packed an impressive backhand but where did it get you? Promptly kicked out with naught but your stylish hoodie and skinny jeans, that's where. Nicole's woe-is-me-woe-is-me routine was getting a tad old, especially when she turned on her beloved Stevie just for questioning her slap-happy attitude. We will admit that it was more than a little satisfying to see Stevie call her on what she was - a spoilt wee brat! Finally!

In other news, the Geyla are at it again! Who saw that coming? Although, it did not look as though a good time was being had by all. Sir Gabriel of Brodie gave the afternoon delight an overall rating of 'average'. Ouch! That made even us wince and poor Leyla was lost for words. She made so much effort as well with her fluffy blue dressing gown and wine breath. She also continued to be the worst adulteress ever and immediately confessed to an uncomfortable looking Stevie. Listening to his girlfriend's step mum talk about her sex life probably wasn't part of his just-released celebration plans. But he is nothing if not a miracle worker for getting Leyla and Nicole back on speaking terms. Here's hoping the Brodie household becomes a bit less fraught with him around (but who are we kidding.)

Elsewhere in Shieldinch, the winds of change were in the air. Big Bob has a new job working with Iona in the mini-market! The dream team are back together and tackling major social issues like OAP shoplifting. Molly, we salute you and your brave determination not to let age stand in the way of petty larceny. In fact, her attempt was so outstanding we're surprised Bob didn't let her away with it just on gumption alone! Poor Big Bob though. He has a new job and the love of good old Nurse Tattie but you could see the sadness in his face when he realised Iona gave him the job out of pity. Buck up, Bob! We know you can change your life for the better.

Speaking of new jobs, Murray's dream job came up and he asked Raymond to help him realise his ambition to be a bearded loner who manages fish.....really? Wow. Thankfully, Raymond took a leaf out of Stevie's book and gave it to him straight. Good job too. We like seeing Murray and his fancy car probably wouldn't have matched his Stornoway water bailiff hut.

And, awwwww. Poor Dan and Kelly-Marie, we hardly knew ye as a couple. It's sad to see them call it a day but our Kel and Dan were being dead responsible and putting their kids first. But you know what this means.....Doctor Dan is back on the market.

Coming up next week: The cops have set their eyes on Shady Sean and Big Bob doesn't look like he's amused at all. And did we see our Robbie getting dumped??!! Whit?!

Quote of the week.
GABRIEL: What? You think you can turn me on and off like a tap?

The Annals of Saint Tattie At Whom Everybody Yelled!

Thu, 03 May 2012 10:59:41 +0000

Ooooh! Murder most foul! We at RC Towers love a good murder mystery and we're seeing the dark side of Shieldinch with a murder and a runaway turning up on our doorstep. Any of us that live in a big city (or even a small one) will know neither of these things are unusual.

Good old Nurse Tattie to the rescue! But she was getting aggro left, right and centre this week. In trying to help high-heeled runaway Silvie, she's managed to get everyone around her completely peeved! I don't know how she managed it but Doctor Stubbs looks ready to stab her with a tongue-depressor. All she wanted to do was rub some cream on gobby Silvie's burns.

But while she's doing her good deeds with Silvie, she's completely forgotten about our Big Bob. He has taken the words of Dr Miriam quite literally and made big changes in his life.... by jacking in his job at the Subway! Nice one, Bob. The redundancy money should keep the gang in square sausage for a while longer but we're not quite sure this was what the Doc had in mind! Bob - we love you just the way you are but Tattie's just trying to help. So ditch that carrot cake...and send it over to us at RC Towers!

Meanwhile the century's greatest love affair continues at a pace. No, we're not talking Posh and Becks. Not Kate and Wills. WILL AND ROBBIE ARE THE NEW SUPERCOUPLE! Of course, any chance to see our favourite DC is damn fine by us...And it looks like we're going to be seeing the strapping DC Cooper a lot more because he seems to be leading the investigation by....staring at a screen for hours! Come on, Will! We want to see more of you running after ne'er do wells in a gilet, not watching girls in very short skirts walk back and forth and back and forth....well, you get the picture.

Speaking of ne'er do wells, what's this? A brand new villain to put the fear into our cosy neighbourhood? Don't know about you, but we were behind the sofa within seconds of Shady Sean appearing on the scene. Tell you what we're never holding hands with a strange man again! No wonder Silvie was desperate to escape, as this unrelenting rat stalked and sneaked before finally getting her back into his clutches.

On the other side of the fence, The Sassy Hamilton Sisters (ok, we know one's a Donachie but that makes for a complicated name reference) are out on the pull....but not without some reservations. Seems The MurrayMeister has left his mark on our Gina, and despite not really wanting him that way anymore, she's being a total grown up and staying friends. So maybe they're not quite ready for the manhunt yet. Let's face it, if Raymondo and MurrayMeister's attempts are anything to go by, the ladies of Glasgow need to watch out anyway! But great to see these once-warring couples extending the olive branch of affection...

Next week....THE RETURN OF TV's STEVIE! Need we say more?!

Quote of the week:
DONALD: This your first murder then?
WILL: It is, Sir.
DONALD: Right. Well. Look, listen and don't vomit on my crime scene.

**THIS BLOG IS CURRENTLY EDITED BY MAMY**

Here's To You, Mrs Hamilton...

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:32:33 +0000

All together now....AWWWWWWW!

Now was that the sweetest thing you ever did see? Finally Malcolm got the chance to make Luscious Liz his blushing bride in a beautiful (if somewhat overcast) lochside ceremony. Welcome to Scotland! But it all could've been very different if meddling Eileen had her way! Now we know here at RC Towers that Eileen loves her dear 'ole Dad and is concerned for his welfare. But suspecting that Liz was doing the old Anna Nicole Smith beggars the question...exactly which pipe have you been smoking from Eileen?!!

Thankfully a some wide-eyed looks from Gina and good talking to from Raymond finally brought Eileen to her senses. Although the word 'sorry' didn't exactly spill from her lips, here's hoping these two can reconcile their differences and do what's best for Malcolm in the future. Here's to many more years of 'arguing over the crossword puzzle' for our new favourite couple - 'Miz'!

But the best part of any wedding is, as always, the stag and hen night. Malcolm went for a quiet affair in the Ship, a refined whisky, some games of pool. His wife-to-be meanwhile was being corrupted by Molly, her jam jar of lukewarm Irish Cream, a L-Plate apron and her makeshift saucepan-drum. Liz prancing around with a pair of old pants on her head might be our highlight of the year!

But there's nothing like a wedding to bring all those bubbling tensions to the surface. As far as we're concerned you've only been to a good one if there's been a fight, people getting it on and some incredibly awkward moments as people start revealing the truth. And this wedding day was no different! We all love watching a new romance unfold, and don't get us wrong, we want our Robbie to be happy. But the first word that sprang to our lips when we saw him alongside our strapping DC Cooper?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

We're jealous, that's all! Good on Robbie for pulling himself such a hottie...and a hottie that's very interested in our Mr Fraser! (Twice in one day? 'Nuff said.) Hooray for future romances! Though if DC Cooper wants to stay in our good books he better not be trying to change the Robster. We'd miss our weekly fix of our flamboyant FMH.

But back in Shieldinch, Big Bob was getting some tough love from Glasgow's newest medical professional. She doesn't mince her words does she? Now perhaps Bob knows deep down he should be eating a bit more salad, but there's no need to be mean Dr Miriam! To be honest, faced with Tattie's bag of veg or a bite of Molly's tasty pie and chips, we know which we'd go for. Why hasn't the Oyster snapped up this culinary genius and cornered the market in comfort pies?! Jeez oh, Molly could you make a fortune!

Next week, The Hamilton's head off on honeymoon, Tattie tries her best to help the needy and Donald and Cooper have a murder investigation on their hands...

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
ZINNIE: Oh my God. It is exactly the same as Eileen's isn't it? I thought it was but then I thought 'no way' - cos that would just be...amazing...
(under her breath) ...that anyone would make two of them...

**THIS WEEK'S BLOG WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY GUEST EDITORS MAMY**

HAYLEY + ROBBIE = BFFs!

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 12:37:44 +0000

Well, folks, what can we say? Prejudice comes in all shapes and sizes and this week it came to Shieldinch in skinny jeans. Wasn't that weasel pure sneaky, giving Robbie the eye in the café only to turn nasty on the defenceless boy when his pal turned up. What a horrible thing to see happen to our poor Robbie and, joking aside, his experience of hate crime is a terrible thing that unfortunately does happen in real life. Here's hoping Robbie continues fighting the good fight and justice will come out right in the end. And it warmed out hearts to see the good people of Shieldinch rallying round our FMH (Favourite Male Hairdresser). Molly was her usual fabulous self, telling Robbie how it is and encouraging him to stand up for himself. You could definitely see the wee glint in her eye when Robbie gave her a cheeky kiss on Montego Street. Good boy, indeed!

And then the attackers tried to have a quiet homophobic pint at the Ship, only to feel the wrath of our FFH (Female, obvs), the Haylster. She. Is. Not. Having. It. We don't know about you but we never want to be the folk that get on the wrong side of her, Jimmy and Scarlett. We at RC Towers were punching the air in triumph as Robbie stood up to his two weasly attackers when it looked like they were turning on Hayley. Be warned! If you mess with Robbie's BFF, you best beware. We were also very pleased to see the strapping DC Cooper standing up for Robbie rights against DCI Donald...

In other news, Stella and Bob certainly have been getting down and dirty this week! What on earth was Stella looking up on t'internet?! Don't know about you, but the positions we spotted were not likely to get her pregnant. RC Towers did blush! With Stella demanding the nasty at specified timed intervals, poor wee Bob was naturally feeling slightly dominated. The flat might have gone all whips and leather if Deek hadn't encouraged Bob to chat through his feelings with his Mistress and ask for a little more romance and...um....gentleness. Maybe a safe word or two?

Meanwhile, Leyla is still not at all happy. When is this lady going to cheer up? Ok, yeah, her husband's gone down for murder and left her all alone with her incredibly mopey step-kids who are breaking the sarcasm sound barrier, and her son never seems to be around and her boss is forcing her to be a phlebotomist (Is this something to do with the bahookies of Shieldinch?!) and her house is a complete tip and even when she cleans it no one notices and she keeps making Sir Gabriel of Brodie run from the room so fast he leaves dust cloud!

Gah!!!!! Alright. We admit it. We'd be going nuts too! Though that was some very very intense wine-drinking while staring at nobody on the couch. Didn't look like she was having a good time, did it? Oh, Leyla, what's happening to you?

Next week, the wedding of the year! Move over Kate and Wills, it's time for us to go hat shopping for the Hamilton-Buchanan nuptials. Nothing could possibly go wrong...or could it?!

Quote of the week:
Stella: We're going again in exactly....60 seconds time. 'Mon! And then again 55 minutes after that. Or 55 hours, I'm kind of confused. We'll just do it both times to be on the safe side, right?!

**THIS WEEK'S BLOG WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY GUEST EDITORS MAMY**

Reader, I married him. Well, we can dream...

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 10:18:17 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are undone.

If this was a 19th century novel, then everyone here at RC Towers would be very much in a swoon. Who is this hunky fella turned up as Robin to Donald's Batman? Why, 'tis no other than DC Cooper - and the DC stands for Delectably Cute.

But dear readers, we're torn. We already had our totty in the form of Shieldinch heartthrob Sir Gabriel of Brodie. Who to choose? There's only one thing for it; it's over to our Graham for a recap of our eligible bachelors in true Blind Date style...

Bachelor No. 1 - DC Cooper is a policeman for god's sakes. He looks great in a fitted shirt and chases down dim-witted criminals in a fancy-pants gilet. However, he's clearly the worst undercover officer ever - he's just too tall and too beautiful to blend in the streets of Glasgow. The temptation to talk about truncheons is overwhelming but we'll refrain at this point.

Bachelor No. 2 - But Sir Gabriel is not up to much good this week. Shacking up with shady contraband gangsters? Letting teenage boys gamble? Drinking in the middle of the day?! He's turning into our resident bad boy - bit of rough Housewives Favourite! And he does have such lovely hair. Add to that his emotional turmoil over GeylaGate. He's a complicated fella, that's for sure.

We must admit that the our new DC has got the advantage at the moment but oh Sir Gabriel of Brodie! We beseech you, come back to the light! The crown of 'Housewives Favourite' teeters with trepidation upon your lovely hair.

But without Gabe's influence, the House of Brodie is crumbling. Rebel son Conor is getting crazy - skipping school, underage gambling, doing anything he can to turn against his Evil Stepmother. He totally misses how incredibly shifty and uncomfortable good ol' Gabe looks when he asks him to take him to the prison. Not only does he not get to see his dad, but horror of horrors, he's missing Example Live in Concert! The trauma was just too much and fisticuffs with Adeeb ensued. Nicole's solution to add sarcasm and stir helped not a jot. Thank goodness for Leyla and her salad bowl diplomacy. This never would've happened in Austen...

In other news, Stella is having an 'is she/isn't she?' pregnancy scare and vomiting over all and sundry. Not even Scarlett's tasty looking lasagne was enough to make her feel better. But alas, there'll be no baby Adams rearing their head anytime soon - but who knows what's coming up next for Love's Young Dream Couple? Should we be expecting the delivery of a tiny Stella or a wee Wee Bob sometime in the future?!

But true love can win out! Tell Cilla she can buy herself a hat after all! After his dream move to Loch Lomond was scuppered by the turbulent housing market, Malcolm decided to put down his roots in another way - Liz is about to become the new Mrs Hamilton. Tears of joy shed here at RC Towers as Love's Slightly Older Dream is preparing for the wedding of the year! Move over Kate and Wills, we reckon Liz has got her eyes on a carriage...

So readers, Shieldinch's lovers and fighters can bring lessons to us all. Whether you're still looking for a DC of your very own, you've met the One or you're coming to love later in life, there's a chance for everyone. We're off to work out ways to get arrested by a certain strapping Mr Cooper.

Next week, our Robbie and his feather boa are standing up for their rights, Nicole does nothing to break her sarcastic streak and Stella and Bob start paving the way for a wee bairn...

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Stella: I'm late...
Iona: Do you want me to phone Gina?

**THIS WEEK'S BLOG WAS BOUGHT TO YOU BY GUEST EDITORS MAMY**

PUSH OFF POIROT...DONALD'S ON THE CASE!

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:03:30 +0000

**NEWSFLASH**

You'll notice a Tennant-shaped gaping hole in this week's blog...well, we've got some bad news.

After Donald's (that's Detective CHIEF Inspector to you!) revelation to Lenny that he too has been partial to a bit of ViviFran action, Vikki just couldn't hold back....and revisited the Shieldinch Sex Tape for old times' sake. Despite the boak-warnings, her addiction was too much and she's currently recovering in a secure unit just outside Liverpool. She'll be back when the night terrors subside...

But back in Shieldinch, it's all going on. Heartbroken Lenny was shaken by news that Chief Donald (famous across Shieldinch in a front page spread, complete with a very smug mugshot!) has officially brought down McCabe's empire...are his shenanigans with the double-crossing ViviFran and Auld Aggie in the country cottage about to be exposed? Not a chance! Lenny Lenny Lenny - the gangster we know and love is back! The scene is set for a showdown between these two old adversaries. We're lining up Eye of the Tiger on repeat as we speak...

But our heartbroken bottom-lip-tremble of the week award goes to Housewives Favourite and all round Shieldinch heartthrob Sir Gabriel of Brodie. The remaining adult male of the Brodie clan was left reeling when Leyla rejected him after very evil but snappily dressed journalist Ian Miller (complete with controversial phone hacking reference!) started snooping around. But not before Nicole misread a kind touch between The Geyla, and decided to throw milk all over the kitchen floor. How's Leyla going to explain that away? Cats with opposable thumbs perhaps?!

Elsewhere, what do we make of the new doctor Miriam Stubbs, eh? One of those school-teacher types with eyes in the back of head. Not only is she hell-bent on sorting out Leyla and Dan with a couple of pointed looks and raised eyebrows, she looks like she's got her eye on the rest of Shieldinch as well! With her taking over at the surgery, who's gonna be the first to feel her wrath?! No one is safe so stop throwing paperclips!

And, poor Iona! Waking up this morning to find the deli has gone missing overnight must have been quite a shock. Perhaps Donald should've stepped in to get to the bottom of the Case of the Disappearing Deli. But it didn't take a genius DCI to discover that Shieldinch property magnate Raymond had sold it to be turned into a wee supermarket. What is the neighbourhood coming to?

Coming up next week it looks like Leyla is taking quite a bit of cheek from young Conor and Lenny is properly going for a piece of the McCabe empire. But who is it he's going into business with?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Leyla: Are those my earrings?...Get upstairs and take them off.
Nicole: Is that what my uncle used to say to you?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**This week's blog was bought to you by guest editors MAMY**

Town of Zeros by Charlie Bowie

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 14:40:46 +0000

Michael Brodie was once a carefree Glasgow Tour Guide who's biggest worry was whether to smooch is girlfriend in the art gallery or the transport museum. But Michael was destined for greater things - he conquered a medical degree and became a war hero in Afghanistan. After the glory of war he found himself in the seedy town of Shieldinch where nothing is ever as it seems, danger lurks round every corner and you can't trust anyone, not even your wife. This is the story of a hero in a town full of zero's fighting against fate...

"A masterpiece! Proof that when life throws you lemons, make a gin and tonic." The Shieldinch Review

"D:Ream told us that things can only get better, Bowie tells us: that's a load of crap." The Mossgreen Journal

Eh, what do you think? A bestseller in the making?! Ahem, maybe not, I should probably stick to my day job which is erm, writing mildly amusing blogs! Back to it then....

Chapter 1 - Death of a Pimp

Wow, what an episode! I must say I thought it was pretty darn brilliant this week. Talk about a bad day - Michael found out his wife was having an affair and then got arrested for murdering Cam the Bam! He didn't have much chance of getting away with murder; he was the worst criminal EVER!! Now, I ain't no expert in covering my tracks but when you're the prime suspect in an assault it's probably not the most sensible idea to walk across the street in front of DC Grant looking really suspicious, carrying a large black bin bag! Nice one Doc! It's also sensible to say as little as possible to the copper and certainly not continually land yourself in it - be cool man. And see when the polis bring you in for questioning, don't just blurt out "Aye it was me" - let them work for it!! Ah Mick, you should of called me, I'd of kept you right! But, Doctor Brodie didn't call me and as a result he's in jail. I can't see any easy way out of this for him so I'm afraid it's farewell to Michael Brodie for now.

Chapter 2 - The Godmother vs The Godfather

So creepy, freaky Auld Agnes is having money troubles and she ain't too proud to take a hand out from a clueless Lenny Murdoch. She really is a nasty old bat, no wonder Vivifran is messed up, who wouldn't be with a mother like that! Now that Vivifran has put her foot down and professed her love for Lenny it looks the auld bat is ready to take matters into her own hands. And did you see the sneak peek of next week? It would appear that her evil plan involves Lenny's little grandson Callum -she wouldn't be evil and crazy enough to harm a 3 year old child... surely... erm... would she?

Chapter 3 - The Author and the Serving Wench

Annie's not really a wench, I just like to use the word wench. It was Charlie's birthday and as we all know, birthdays get you thinking! So, Charlie decided it was time to take the bull by the horns, he proposed to Annie and whisked her away to go travelling around the world. He is even contemplating a sequel to that bestseller 'Town of Zeros' - that's got movie deal written all over it. I had tear in my eye when Charlie proposed to Annie, it was very sweet and his wee face was soooo cute. And that's farewell to the lovely couple! I'm sad to see them go but they've had a lovely happy ending to their story.

Whatever you do, do not miss next week's episode, it's the grand finale of Series 7 and as I mentioned before, Agnes will be exacting her terrible revenge on Lenny and there's more trouble in store for the Brodie clan - seriously, if you thought things couldn't get worse for Michael you were very wrong!

Raging bull unleashed!

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 18:25:28 +0000

Well, that was quite a shocker wasn't it? Michael finally got his hands on Cam the Bam with terrible results. It was only a matter of time until Michael's temper got him into trouble though - I don't call him Raging Bull for nothing! Looking at all the Facebook comments, a lot of people seem to be on his side, it's a tough one , if your daughter was missing and you came across the guy who was trying to turn her into a prostitute, what on earth would you do?! And what does this mean for the good Doctor? Will he get away with it or is a trip to the big hoose on the cards? Personally I'd like to see him make a return to the Tour Guide profession, far less stressful. Make sure you watch next week to find out!

While Cam the Bam was terrifying Christina and getting bludgeoned by Michael, Nicole was nowhere to be seen. The last we saw of her she was hitchhiking and getting into a big lorry - where on earth is she? Thankfully it wasn't her in the morgue but it cannae be sensible to be getting into cars with strange men! Will she ever come home?

And while Michael was playing the Raging Bull, identifying bodies in the morgue and trying to kill pimps, his wife Leyla was coming to an important decision...she's going to leave her husband for his brother Gabriel. She's got her priorities right hasn't she? But even missing children cannot stop the course of true love and Gabe did melt my heart slightly in this episode. It was his wee face when Leyla said that she still loved Michael, he looked so hurt! Awww. But I ain't gonna feel too sorry for him, he is having sexy time with his sister-in-law after all.

Elsewhere, Fran the Kiss-A-Scam was doing a lot of kissing but not a lot of scamming. What has happened to the Frances I was starting to become accustomed too? There was a time when she worried about things like: how can I get my evil revenge for the murder of my brother, should I kill Lenny or just maim him, how many men can I stun with my eeeeeevil kissing today and should I make a sex tape. Nowadays all she's worried about is blue rinses and whether or not she should accompany Lenny to the cemetery. Come on Frances hen, what you playing at and what on earth is your scary maw gonna do when she realises you've gone soft?! Well looking at next week's preview, it seems like she's about to come clean to Lenny, eh, good luck with that. I reckon Lenny will be reaching for his own metal pole if he discovers her true identity.

Also coming up next week, find out the fates of Michael, Cammy and Nicole and Auld Agnes is indeed back on the scene! I cannae wait!

Quote of the Week
Robbie: "I once went oot wae a guy who was into cemeteries. We used to wait 'til it got dark, jump the gate and share a carry oot amongst the heidstones."
Hayley: "Eh, sounds lovely."
Robbie "Oh aye, it was dead exciting...but then he started talking about breaking into funeral parlours. I just says tae him, listen pal, noo yer just being weird."

Something brewing doon at the broo...

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:35:20 +0000

Does anyone else think that Kelly-Marie and Dan are flogging a deid horse? She's the type of gal that signs on the dole while she actually has a job and he's the type of bloke that watches the Tour De France and lectures people about wearing helmets! Although I don't know why Kelly-Marie was wasting money on a magician when she has Dan around, did you see those magic tricks? I mean he pulled a pound coin out of Callum's ear! Astounding! However, the biggest trickster of all is Lenny who grassed on Kelly-Marie for benefit fraud only so that he could blame Dan and impress Kelly-Marie with the expensive lawyer he gave her. Oh what a complicated fellow he is!!

Cam the Bam really is an evil little weasel, I really dislike that boy. Not only is he trying to groom Nicole into prostitution, it turns out that he also has a girlfriend - Angie - who already works as a prostitute for him. Oh and Angie also takes regular beatings off the utterly charming Cammy, isn't he just such a nice fella? But hallelujah, Nicole finally realised that Cam is nowt but a bam and she made her escape... escape via hitchhiking and getting picked up in a lorry dressed like a tart...erm oh dear. What has she got herself into now?!

In addition to prostituting and beating girls, Cammy is also a knife wielding thief. He swanned into The Tall Ship looking for Stevie's old money stash and ended up holding a knife against Eileen's neck and demanding access to the safe. It turned into a bit of a showdown in the bar but luckily Gabriel is also a secret magician - he is able to transform an ordinary looking door into a lethal weapon! Just as Cammy was about to escape - shazam, Gabriel squished him with the door. Annoyingly, Cam the Bam managed to get free and ran off, but not before getting a cheeky wee stab at Lenny's arm! Stabbing Lenny Murdoch? That cannot be a sensible move.

Coming up next week, Cam the Bam gets even more evil and Michael goes into meltdown. It's set to get very dark indeed...

Quote of the Week
Scarlett: "Raymond's helping Murray with his mid-life crisis, boys day oot more like, wonder why they never asked you?"
Jimmy: "Just lucky I guess!"

Tonight on Reporting Shieldinch...

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 17:32:28 +0000

Nicole's disappearance hit the headlines this week and it even had top billing on Reporting Scotland with Jackie Bird!! I hope you all spotted her (she was the special guest star to which I was referring last week), I thought it was rather exciting! It's very harrowing seeing the Brodie family so worried, I can't imagine what it must be like to know that your child is in danger. Nicole is completely oblivious to the hell she's putting her family through and also oblivious to the danger she's put herself in. From the sneak peek of next week it looks like it's going to get a whole lot more sleazy in that mingin' squat! Please just wisen up Nicole!! But you know I don't like to dwell on the sad things too much, let's talk about that prank caller. Did anyone else think he sounded like he could have starred in that Shieldinch Sex Tape?! It brought back some bad memories for me I tell ye. How on earth did Leyla and Michael mistake that for Nicole?! Someone give that guy a throat lozenge!

Miami Vice Murray wasn't fooling me this week, oh no! He was trying to act the caring, nice guy shoulder to cry on but we now all know that he's nothing but a sunglass wearing, sports car driving, drunken VANDAL! Yes, Mundane Murray has snapped and his darker side Miami Vice Murray has taken over, he's gone proper mental! Well, ok, possibly I'm exaggerating things slightly but he did throw a brick through the Oyster window and in my book that is crazeeeee behaviour. As well as having to face the wrath of Gina he also got a punch in the face from Gabriel, I really never thought I'd see the day when Murray would be brawling in the street. Murray, now the pariah of Shieldinch, has went off with his faithful pal Raymond for a fishing holiday until the dust settles. Those fish better watch out, Miami Vice Murray is on his way and he is gonna fish them, fish them good.

Kelly-Marie and Dan were the victim of Chinese whispers, Mullen style this week. Tattie overheard Liz gossiping in the Deli, she told Molly, Molly told Scarlett and before we knew it everyone was up to high doh thinking that Dan was planning on humping and dumping Kelly-Marie. But thankfully, it was all sorted out in the end and Kelly-Marie and Dan went back to being loved up. Well, until next week anyway!

Speaking of next week, don't forget to watch as there will be some very exciting developments in the Nicole vs Evil Cammy story, Kelly-Marie and Dan have a difference in opinion about benefit fraud and Charlie floods the Tall Ship!

I do apologise if my Blog has a touch of delirium about it this week, I'm loaded with the flu and I think it's affecting my brain!

Quote of the Week

Molly (to Dan): "Oan yer bike."