In an exclusive interview, Stevie Burns reveals his techniques that have made him into something of a Casanova in Shieldinch.  In his new book ‘Stevie Burns – A Way With The Lassies’, he shares some of his top tips for romancing the ladies this Valentine’s Day.

 

Ask them about their dreams

Ladies love this. I would suggest getting one of those book-thingys – it’ll pretty much tell you everything you need to know about what they mean.  Some of ‘em are weird, like being in love with your mother and stuff (NEVER go with that explanation, as I learned to my cost – another story) but keep it clean, look deep and meaningfully into their eyes and the lassies will be pure melting…

 

Laugh at their jokes  (especially the ones where they question your manhood)

Laughter is the best medicine – so why not sweeten up your potential lady with a hearty dose of the funnies! Now I’m naturally hilarious, so it comes easy to me. But if you’re needing some inspiration, why not start with simply repeating back to them what they’ve just said, and laughing as if it’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? I’ve pulled this move over and over and it never fails. Trust me.

 

Insist that they in no way resemble a dug. Very important. Do reiterate several times until you’ve got yourself into a fluster.

They might be called Lassies, but in lady terms not even being compared to a perky labradoodle is considered a compliment. So under no circumstances, call them a dug. In fact, do the opposite. Insist that they’re not a dug, in no way a dug and could never be a dug. They’ll get the message eventually.

 

The comfort hug – allowing you to cop a feel whilst offering support and a friendly face

An oldie but a goodie.  Now I’m a man known for my hugs – everyone wants a Stevie  cuddle.  But this technique can work for pretty much anyone. Two necessities to remember: deodorant and a strict exercise regime of 100 chin-ups a night. No-one wants moobs getting in the way of a manly hug.

 

The patented Stevie Burns FaceGrab™

The final step in your quest towards sweet lady-loving. And if you nail this, you won’t be disappointed.  But I can’t tell you how to FaceGrab™ in words alone. In fact, your best bet is to grab a copy of my accompanying DVD – ‘Watch With Stevie – Learn to Love the Lassies’ for a step-by-step guide on the perfect FaceGrab™.

 

 

DISCLAIMER: There’s a distinct possibility these techniques ONLY work for Stevie Burns. If you lack his charm, sense of humour and heart-stopping chest, we can’t guarantee these will work for you too!

 

**Sadly, no such products as ‘Stevie Burns: A Way With The Lassies’ and ‘Watch With Stevie – Learn to Love the Lassies’ actually exist. We can’t have everyone turning into a Shieldinch Casanova, can we?**

 

 

This is a Ferrero Rocher pyramid of an announcement -  we are really spoiling you! This week we have not one but TWO River City stars coming to a webchat near you!

 

Actors Keira Lucchesi (Stella) and Paul James Corrigan (Stevie) will be online straight after tomorrow night’s episode to answer all your questions about their current storyline.

 

Keira and PJ will be live online at 9pm, so join the chat right here on the River City website and on BBC Scotland’s Facebook and Twitter using #askRiverCity.  

 

And don’t forget this week’s episode at 8pm on Tuesday – it’s a belter!

I’m excited today to have something to fill up the pages of this bad-boy diary. Normally I’m just mooching around, playing with my toys, filling my nappies. Occasionally I go crazy and throw a juice box across Auntie Gina’s kitchen, but hey, I’m just a guy that lives on the edge.

 

I had no idea when morning came that yesterday would be like no other. Woke up normal time, went to nursery as usual. Did some bad-ass paintings, and used all the green glitter before Freddy got his hands on it. Ha, in your face Macdonald. That’ll teach you for stealing my biscuit at break time.  

 

It comes round to home time. Had a date with Charlotte (hot chick, sits on the Blue Table); I’d planned ahead and was wearing my best keks – she wouldn’t have much chance at resisting my boyish charms. Whilst I was scrubbing the last of the green glitter off my hands, Dad arrived, backpack in hand. Good, I thought. There’s sure to be a dairylea triangle or two in there. There better be, or someone’s getting the full force of my tantrum later. To my surprise, Dad loads me into the back of a taxi. Now I know this isn’t the way to Charlotte’s and I’m starting to get angsty, until we pull up at the AIRPORT. I’m starting to wish I’d had more time to plan. Mum had bought that funky pair of board shorts for that holiday to Portugal we were meant to go on with that shady-looking property developer guy, but I’d never got the chance to test them out. Dad got the tickets and it was Malaga – jackpot! Watch out chicas, I’m on my way!

 

We settle in to lunch – I found a pretty tasty spot on the table that needed some further investigation. So I gave it a lick. Turns out that was a bad idea. Dad – 1, Me and the table – 0. I’m only halfway through my sandwich when Dad yanks me away to get on the flight. Can’t a guy finish a meal around here? But do we end up on a plane? Hell no. We end up in a toilet. Is it any wonder I’m bawling my eyes out Dad? You can’t drag me all the way here and dangle sun, sea and senoritas under my nose without delivering.

 

Before I knew it, Auntie Gina is rushing towards me (quite an achievement in heels, so I’m led to believe) and Mum is scooping me up in her arms. DCI Donald Duck (think that’s his name - that cop who’s got his eye on Mum) is questioning a lady about Dad – she tells him he’s in the viewing gallery.  If only I could form proper sentences. Dad is just standing over there! I tried to wave but no one seemed interested…

 

So I wake up this morning, pyjama’d-up, Auntie Gina’s reading me Tommy for the umpteenth time (I can write a diary, I think I’m about ready for The Gruffalo, don’t you?), when Dad arrives back. God knows where he’s been but he’s looking pretty dog-rough. He wants to read me Tommy too. I CAN READ! I want to scream. But before I know it, he’s jumped in. Yes, Tommy, its still raining…

 

Seriously, who goes to the airport and never gets to see a plane?

 

Til tomorrow, Diary…

Stu

x

 

Well, who would have thunk it? Attention, Everyone! Can I have you attention please? Dreich sport events in January apparently equal romantic shenanigans in Shieldinch! Need to spice up that love life? Throw on a pair of thermal jogging shorts and pull out that plastic poncho. It was getting everyone hot and bothered from high-kicking Octogenarians to twenty-something bartenders! Honestly, they should have had sultry saxophone music playing at that Fun Run starting post.

 

In all seriousness, were those some mega vibes coming off of Stevie and Stella or were we just imagining it? We’ll admit, in the wake of The Geyla, we have been longing for a new love that dare not speak its name but Stella’s only got eyes for Bob, hasn’t she?! She was probably just after a proper cuddle seeing as her husband thinks that the best way to enjoy some alone time is to stare at the wall for hours on end. We all know that poor Bob isn’t well but still, he’s not treating his special lady the way she deserves. No wonder Stella hit the roof when she found all the meds in his toolbox! Meanwhile, strapping Stevie Burns who kicks down doors to rescue adorable blonde children and knows just by looking at you that you’ve had a bad day and turns up to keep you company with a six pack of water and listens sympathetically while he rubs your shoulder… sorry, we seem to have gotten a little off track there *awkward cough*. As we were saying, he’s the ideal person to cheer you up but there was almost a ‘haud your horses’ moment when that hug lasted a wee bit too long.

 

And it wasn’t just the young ‘uns. All Shieldinchers seemed to be falling under the intoxicating thrall of damp Lycra and sweaty armpits as Molly and Liz battled it out for the attention of Maurice Norris. For all her high-kicking in tight workout gear and fancy Kelvinside accent, Molly proved too much for the genteel Mr Norris (though it probably didn’t help that she kept getting his name wrong).  We did get a bit of a fright when it looked like there might be stormy seas ahead for Malcolm and Liz, the couple that made us believe in love again! But no, these two are a class act. As much as Mr Norris gave our Liz a well-deserved ego boost, we are ever confident that Malcolm and Liz are the real deal and nothing’s going to put a wedge in that love nest.

Now if you’ll excuse us - *grabs whistle and glow stick* - we’re off clubbing with Molly.

Next week: Alice has some visitors from Rochdale… the kind that hides when she’s about? Hmmm.

Quote of the week:
Maurice Norris: I thought you said you were a widow?

Molly: Ho! In my book when a man’s been missing ten year he’s presumed deid!

 

Well, City-ites, it’s been a while. But though we might have been AWOL, the fireworks in Shieldinch never stop! Over the festive season, we pushed Scarlett into a Christmas tree, exposed Nicole as an evil cyber-bully and pushed Will even further to the dark side with some help from that little devil Edward. Oh, and don’t forget Randolph the Dog. Who could have asked for more?

 

Well…us! We saved the most explosive drama for the first of those dark cold January nights that we’ve all been dreading.  For weeks we’ve been asking if you’re on Team Eileen or Team Raymond, and this week Shieldinch’s resident power couple took to the courtroom as they fought for permanent access to wee Stuart.

 

The sides looked evenly matched as they went into the first round, Raymond supported by fellow Bromancer Murray by his side, whilst Family Hamilton threw looks alternating between sympathy and daggers as the drama unfolded. Things might have been civil at first, but you know Raymondo and Eileen. It was never going to last. And the world’s two sneakiest barristers were on hand to stir the pot as much as possible - with a wink and raised eyebrow Eileen’ barrister played the Columbo card and managed to outsmart the room as his comedy bumbling hid an acid tongue.  We can’t believe he ripped Stevie apart on his birthday, his birthday?!  Don’t the courts have any sense of occasion?

 

(Talking of such, we’ve been swooning since last night about the thought of Stevie in his birthday suit. Wait…no. Don’t be filthy! We’re just saying…he can give evidence for us anytime…)

 

But the truth had to come out eventually. Both Raymondo and Eileen have had their fair share of shenanigans over the years. Those barristers should’ve had plenty to play with. Well yes Ma’am, there was that time Raymond killed a gangster then blew him up in a gas explosion. Then there was the arms deals going on in his pub.  Oh, and ghosts of said gangsters do roam the corridors. But apart from that…

 

…Oh dear.  Eileen didn’t fare much better. It was a shame Malcolm actually remembered the burning iron, and leaving Stuart on the subway. And then everyone remembered that he lived with a former pimp and wannabe gangster and suddenly the subway seemed like the safest place for Stuart to be.

 

In the end, if you play dirty you’ve gotta be prepared to get covered in muck. But it was Raymondo’s attempts to save Eileen that backfired on him in the end – forcing him to give up everything. No Stuart, no home. Now no Ship.  Though there’s a chance that with Lenny in charge, there could actually be fewer gangsters in the pub. There’s a thought.

 

One thing’s for certain, with Lenny in charge Scarlett and Molly won’t be pulling any more of their moonshine out of their pram for a while! It might have looked harmless enough, but judging by the state of Gabriel and Malcolm, it packed one hell of a punch.  It wasn’t long before the pair were facing Liz’s wrath…already stressed by the poor timekeeping of charity organiser Maurice Norris, it’s a wonder Liz wasn’t a bit more handy with her handbag at the site of these two stumbling around her front room. It’s no surprise she enjoyed the respite provided by a cup of tea handily made by Maurice, who made himself well at home in the Hamilton household…surely…he doesn’t have designs on Malcolm’s fair lady?

 

Next week, Liz’s charity fun run bursts into Shieldinch. Ahh there’s nothing like a long distance run in the bracing Glasgow wind to knock the Christmas stuffing out of you!

 

Quote of the week:

MOLLY: (on the pram-disguised moonshine) What will we say if somebody wants to look at her?

SCARLETT: We’ll say she’s an ugly wean.

 

We want to make a confession. We’re hiding a deep dark secret.

 

That’s right. Here at RC Towers, there’s been something playing on our minds for a while now.  You see, we’ve got a thing for policemen.

 

Now you all know how we feel about Deliciously Cute Cooper. But there’s another copper on the block who we’re getting strange tingly feelings for. Yes City-ites, we’ve got a crush on a certain DCI. It’s so wrong and yet it feels oh-so right.

 

And it looks like we’re not the only ones. We might have to fight off Molly for his affections, but we don’t mind. We’re sure there’s enough DCI goodness to go round. Now he might be a bit ‘dodgy’…ok, a LOT dodgy. No one with any sense gets up close and personal with Lenny Murdoch. But oh my, what a hero. Look at those strong arms, that defiant devil-may-care attitude to danger. And boy, that’s a sharp suit. We ask you ladies, why is this man still single?

 

Oh, right. He’s a dodgy cop who was pumping his last informant for a bit more than information…and still has the balls to keep his dodgy undercover dealings secret while his boss leans over his desk.  What a man. Readers, we are smitten.

 

And we’re not the only ones in a loved up mood this week. Christina and Alice make such a fab couple don’t you think? If nothing else, her burgeoning relationship could potentially mean her spending less time stuck in Deek’s old flat, surrounded by Molly’s knickers.  (And yes, we can confirm that her old pants are always recycled for use as tents at Glastonbury). But she’s scared, and it’s not surprising given the sicko who seems to be picking on her at the mo. This bullying stuff is not big. And it’s definitely not clever. So watch it, whoever you are. We’re keeping an eye on you.

 

Next week, Molly’s got her suspicions about love-sick Christina, Lenny is making Raymond an offer he wants to refuse and Alice is not happy. Not. Happy. At. All.

 

 

Quote of The Week:

This week, not even a quote. Just a face.

 

Raymond's face. Molly's knickers. That's all.

 

 

Wowsers! It seems you guys love some emotional fisticuffs! 

 

It's been a brilliant response to the vote and lovely to see all of you guys tweeting and facebooking about our Team Eileen vs Team Raymond debate. Keep it up!  We particularly loved the idea of getting #teameileen and #teamraymond to trend....let's do it!

 

Now, in true Strictly style (I've always wanted to say this!), the votes have been counted and verified and I can now reveal that the winner of this week's vote, overwhelmingly is....

 

TEAM RAYMOND!

 

With a whopping 80% of the votes, Raymondo was the clear favourite after last week's episode. Eileen's shenanigans with Mark Vincent and his evil evictions were just too much for most of you, who will be all too happy to see Eileen get her comeuppance by the looks of it. She might have tried to persuade him to leave his illegal-ness behind and let the Shieldinchers stay, but it fell on deaf ears unfortch. Boo Vincent!

 

So the people have spoken, and you're with Raymond at the moment. Or Raybo as my Mum calls him. He's a man of many colours apparently. (Yep. That was a terrible Mum joke. You're welcome). But in this battle of deadly foes, can he keep the upper hand?  Will Eileen redeem herself? Our next vote begins again after the episode on 4th DECEMBER (almost Christmas!) so make sure you let us know what you think then!

 

Until then RC Massive, until then....

Ahhh love. It’s a complicated thing.

 Think of the world’s great couples. Barbie and Ken. Justin and Britney. Henry VIII and…all his wives. What do they all have in common? They didn’t last.

 

Oh, we forgot one more famous pairing. Shieldinch’s favourite pub landlord and his good lady of many years – Raymondo and Eileen.

 

Now these two haven’t been ‘together-together’ for a while now, but with all that history behind them, and wee Stuart’s future ahead, they kept on good terms. Not anymore it seems. What with Raymond’s secret murdering ways and Eileen’s alliances with dodgy property developers, it doesn’t look like they’re going to patch things up anytime soon…

 

Neither of our contenders are saints, but whose side are you on?  Who do you think is doing the right thing….or the wrong?  We want to know what you think!

 

Over the next few weeks, we’ll be asking you guys to vote on what you think about Raymond and Eileen’s actions. It’s time to pick your side –

 

Team Eileen or Team Raymond?

 

Just pop back to the Official River City BBC Website after tonight’s episode for the first vote – and tell us what you think!

 

 

The vote will begin after tonight’s episode (13.11.12) and will close on 20.11.12. Get in quick!

All of our questions had a definite musical theme so, this week, I thought I'd regale you with some Murray-Facts about music on the episodes, and how we make each episode sound 'right'.

Justmince asked 'Who selects the background music for each episode?'

Well justmince since you asked…it's a complicated old process! And it's not just music, it's all the sounds of the episode you might never have even noticed!

First, on set the Sound Recordist will get everything they think they need for the bones of the Episode. Along with dialogue they'll get all those little bits and pieces you probably don't even notice - footsteps, doors slamming, atmospheric noises. Then at the end of a shoot, they record what's called a 'wild track' – those noises that we hear in every day life just to make the episode realistic. The director will use this in the edit to give some background noise.

Meanwhile the director will be choosing music for the episode – once they've chosen, they come to me to get permission to use if from the record company, or the singer, whoever owns it.

Maisie58 wondered what music was playing in the pub when Raymond followed Sean Kennedy last week – well, director Stuart Davis came to me and asked for Johann Johannsson and the track Odi Et Amo from the album Englaborn. I checked in with Stuart about why and he told me that he said he loves contemporary Icelandic classical music. The rest of the score from that episode had more from the same album.

While the director is directing, the editor is in the…edit, obviously…putting all the scenes together in order according to the script. They use what's called 'guide audio' – sounds recorded on set – over the top of the images. Once the scenes are all in the right place, the director and editor put the chosen music over the top.

The final step is called the 'dub'. This is where the producer and dubbing mixer make sure the sound on the episode is cleaned up; so there's no weird seagulls, strange car noises in the wrong places etc. Also they can look at making things louder and quieter to match the emotions of the scene. So in last week's episode, you'll notice the noise of Raymond in the Tall Ship kitchen was louder than the other sounds to make it scarier.

So you see, it's a pretty complicated thing to get right! Next time you're watching, keep an ear out for all those extra sounds – now you know how it's done!

Last week I offered ten MurrayPoints for anyone who guessed our mystery location. Well, no one got it right! If you were hanging around Prestwick Airport a couple of weeks ago you might have seen our sneaky crew filming a few scenes for an upcoming episode!

If you are looking for music outwith the show you might be lucky to catch Tom Urie (Big Bob) tickling the ivory keys at a bar in Glasgow on a Friday!

 

 

 

…in that dark, dark street there lived a dark, dark man, who’d spent years evading the cops and the best efforts of a certain DCI. But things were about to get even darker for this master of the criminal underworld, in ways he could never imagine…

 

…And luckily for us, it all happened at Halloween!  Anyone else scared witless by this week’s goings on in Shieldinch, the new Fear Capital of Scotland? What with new gangsters roaming the streets, ghosts and ghouls wandering aimlessly through the local pub, and Wee Bob a shadow of his former self, there’s plenty to be scared of on Montego Street at the moment.

 

First in the fear-factor line up, Gareth. Now we’ve never met a Gareth who’s managed to scare the beejesus out of us before, but man alive, this one managed it. This reckless crazy cat had no foibles about busting Lenny Murdoch’s chops, stealing all his money and mouthing back at The DCI. And we don’t even want to think about those freaky masks. But worst of all, WORST of all, he thinks it’s okay to beat on a poor defenceless old woman.  Good ole Molly, giving him what for, but that might have been her downfall. Just watch it Gareth, we’ve got your number. As Craig said, everyone’s got a Granny…

 

But it was Lenny who was in trouble when his MS secret finally came back to haunt him. And it fell into the worst possible hands – Craig has been holding out for the weakness he could use to bring Lenny down…and he finally found it at the worst possible moment. But The DCI is no fool – he knows how to play the long game. And now we’ve got a whole new - and surely dangerous - pact between these once deadly foes.

 

But one face we NEVER expected to see again was a certain Shady Sean, back from the dead. Thankfully, this was just a freaky figment of Raymondo’s grief-stricken and emotionally drained imagination…or was it?! The Ship now holds so many nightmare memories for Raymond; it’s no surprise that going back there proved so difficult for him and Stevie. And he had his own demons to deal with (Billy The Butcher’s torture chamber, anyone?) but Stevie Burns Shieldinch Superhero™ was determined to make this work for Raymond’s sake. Given Raymondo’s foetal position in the bathroom after his run-in with a ghoulish Shady Sean, we’re pretty sure nothing Stevie does can make this better right now…

 

(By the way, when we come back as ghosts to spook the corridors of RC Towers, we want to have the soundtrack of Thriller too. That’s cool. If anyone starts playing Monster Mash we’ll be right back to haunt you.)

 

Next week – DING DONG THE BELLS ARE GONNA CHIME! It’s time for Wibby to get hitched!  But Edward’s back in town, and that can surely only mean bad bad things… love is definitely in the air, but will anyone else get bitten by the bug?

 

Quote of the week:

This week, another classic made better by Stevie’s reactions...

 

Zinnie: Halloween Resurrection? What, like zombies? You should just wear an old suit, some fake blood. Go as a dead gangster.

 

Oh Stevie’s face. Just Stevie’s face. Always.

It was PARTY CENTRAL in Shieldinch this week with every getting in on the celebration action. And the biggest by far was wee Conor’s fifteenth birthday. Awww, who else remembers their fifteenth? Party rings, fizzy pop…a dash of vodka and some hardcore drugs. Excellent.

Oh wait, you didn’t have that?  Nope, us neither. But with a sister like Nicole, who’s surprised that she turned her ickle brother’s night into a free-for-all? It wasn’t even her party, but hell did she cry when she wanted to.  And she wasn’t bothered about dragging everyone else down with her. Sneaking in bottles of Leyla’s old voddie (where has she been hiding that all this time?  Did she learn nothing from the vomiting incidents?!), inviting unsavoury teenage types like Paul-the-Pill-Pusher and Harry-Styles-Lookey-Likey into her front room, then jumping on Christina during Spin the Bottle. It’s no wonder the poor girl got confused with all those mixed signals flying all over the place.  Thank god Stevie Burns Shieldinch Superhero™ was there to save the day. As if the poor lad hasn’t had enough on his plate recently, he’s now got the guilt of Christina’s drug-fuelled fitting incident to deal with.  Understandably he was pretty hacked off at Nic – but surely, this can’t be the end of SteCole?  We’ve only just come up with a classic nickname!

And for once, it was Scarlett’s silence at a party that caused trouble. While Leyla downed those lemonades like it was…well…lemonade, Scarlett was troubled. Raymond might’ve taken his life into his hands by referring to her as an ‘old dog’, but it certainly gave her plenty of food for thought about the future. And the day started so well, what with all her ideas. Yes, Scarlett’s got ideas. We know this because she’d handily written down these ideas on a piece of paper very clearly labelled IDEAS.  Just in case you weren’t sure. 

So, Scarlett’s got aspirations that don’t include pulling pints. However, they also don’t include dance. Jimmy, on the other hand, wowed us with his slinky moves.  Perhaps if the taxi game goes sour we could be looking at Shieldinch’s answer to Wayne Sleep. Things seem to be at a standstill for Scarlett, but wee Madonna has star quality written all over her. Just remember though, she’s not the Madonna. Yet.

Meanwhile, in the Wibby household, Robbie was rocking the tweed while Will broke out the sherry glasses. Either these two are about to invest in some hunting dogs and a 4x4, or Will is serious about bonding with Liz over some classic old-lady-liquor.  But BOO! HISS! Who’s this big bad wolf at the door? OH NO, ITS EDWARD! And what’s that in his pocket? BOO! It’s a nasty cheque full of nasty money for Robbie to take and….leave Will forever! NOOOOOOOOOOO! We don’t like this man. We just don’t. Then he had the cheek to sit there and drink their wine and eat their tapas?  Party-pooper.

 

Next week, it’s an episode full of tricks and treats, as Halloween comes to Shieldinch. Lenny has a new threat on his hands and Raymond has to face up to life back at the Tall Ship.

 

Quote of the week:

It has to be….it can only be…quote of the YEAR let alone the week.

Stevie: Ho!! One Direction…Bolt!

We asked for your questions, and you provided!  

So what burning issues have you for Murray this week?

Chris Warbrick asked: When is River City – The Movie being made?

Murray Says: We’re so busy working hard on making the episodes every week, we probably wouldn’t have time to make a film! It got me thinking though, about who we would bring in to play our Shieldinch-ers. Who would you like to see playing your favourite characters if it went to Hollywood? Who would Brad Pitt play?

KarenA asked: Is River City filmed entirely on set or do you use local buildings/places too?

We have fake set which we call a ‘backlot’ here at our studios that we use to film the majority of the outside scenes, like Montego Street or the Oyster Cafe . This season we've gone out on location more. If you were out and about in Glasgow last week you might have seen us filming in the west end.

But location filming is not always that glamorous. Today we are filming in the men’s toilets in production offices.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But later this week we’ll be going to a much more exciting location with an international feel; one of our most challenging locations in the last ten years. I will give you ten Murray points if you can guess were we might be filming that could bring up a lot of obstacles... 

So who would you have play the Hollywood version of Shieldinch's best loved?  And where on earth will Murray be filming this week?! More answers to come next time!

And don't forget, we want your questions - just leave your question in the comments box below and we'll ASK MURRAY!

 

With the theme music from Rocky ringing in our ears, the fight is on for Raymond and Eileen. 

 

In the Red Corner, publican (and secret murderer) Raymondo, his recent actions perhaps morally dubious but all done with the best intentions. In the Blue Corner, Eileen, Shieldinch’s resident ice queen and scary councillor, only concerned with protecting her son from a man she feels she no longer knows. The stage is set for a Battle Royale between these two Shieldinch stalwarts.

 

While Raymondo’s attempts at mediation ended in a shouting match (after being accused of aggression, probably not the best way to respond!), Eileen's pulling out all the stops with her council complaints against the Ship. But Stuart’s run-in with a teapot was a nail in her coffin. The little tyke correctly identified the kitchenware - pretty good for an almost two year old! Nil point for tipping it on your head though Stuart. Needless to say, that incident did nothing to boost Eileen’s chances. Everyone wanted to coach the two worthy adversaries from their ringside seats , and some even looked like they might throw a punch or two of their own.  Murray’s so strongly in Raymondo’s corner that he was happy to get all up in Eileen’s face about it. No one, NO ONE messes about with his best mate.  Got it? Eileen was a little out on a limb as it goes, even Gina was rooting for a reconciliation.  It was only when Eileen finally spilled the not-so-secret secret (that Raymond killed Sean, remember?) that Gina finally understood Eileen’s fears. Now we all remember that Gina played a not-so-innocent part in the killing of Archie (though she didn’t deliver the killer blow, she did throw his lifeless body off a cliff, wait…with Eileen!).  But that was self-defence. As Raymond so correctly pointed out to Stevie at the time of his own murderous mishap, a smack to the back of the noggin will never count as self-defence.

 

As both sides limber up to go the full twelve rounds, it’s shaping up to be an evenly matched fight. But with underhand tactics already being deployed, who will deliver the killer blow?  It’s time to pick sides: are you Team Eileen or Team Raymondo?

 

We also had a couple of new faces appearing in Shieldinch this week. One pretty, one…not so much. In fact, all that property tycoon Mark Vincent was missing was a handlebar moustache to twirl in his most evil moments.  Eileen, just because a man takes off his tie and loosens his shirt does not make him any less of a villain!  Keep away!

 

On a much nicer note, Bob’s finally got a helping hand in the garage in the form of new apprentice Alice. After Stevie’s sterling work as Bob’s personal HR adviser, and a number of more unsavoury candidates (poor Zinnie didn’t get a look in, even against the guy with his own overalls!) Alice was a breath of fresh air in Montego Motors.  And if Alan Sugar ever decides to fire himself from The Apprentice, we think we’ve got two pretty good replacements right here in Shieldinch. Despite all Alice’s loveliness, she’s already rubbing people up the wrong way. Nicole’s face was a picture as Alice introduced herself. Surely she wouldn’t be a threat to the mighty SteCole?

 

And for those of you that might be concerned about the wheelie bin situation in Shieldinch, we can confirm that Molly’s Crusade will continue until every Rolls Royce style bin in Jordanhill has been wiped out. She will not rest until she gets Wheelie Bin Justice for all!

 

 

Next week…Nicole is desperate to be trusted, Scarlett needs another job and it’s crunch time as Robbie and Will’s parents meet before the wedding – EDWARD IS BACK!

 

Quote of the week:

Zinnie: I’m throwing myself on your mercy here Bob.

Bob: (genuinely terrified) Please don’t…